Why isn't cheating in marriage illegal?

[Swift]

This makes no sense to me.

If marriage is a legally binding contract and to get out of it you can literally loose everything you hold dear. Why isn't adultery a crime? At the very least it should be a misdemeanor. And certainly go on your record if caught doing it.

There are lots of legal benefits to being married, but breaking the marriage vows and contract has no direct penalty unless there is a divorce.

Obviously, I don't plan on cheating. But I guess I just don't see how cheating isn't at least on the same level as a traffic violation. I mean, there is no penalty. You can cheat all you want and still get all the benefits of being married from the government. Strange, no?

 

[Danoff]

This is quite simple. It is a judgement call as to whether cheating is bad. Some people who are married are fine with cheating. Others are not. By making cheating illegal you'd be imposing your view of morality on others - where no one outside the marriage is hurt.

Basically, we leave it up to the couple to deal with. And that's the way it should be.

 

[Swift]

This is quite simple. It is a judgement call as to whether cheating is bad. Some people who are married are fine with cheating. Others are not. By making cheating illegal you'd be imposing your view of morality on others - where no one outside the marriage is hurt.

Basically, we leave it up to the couple to deal with. And that's the way it should be.

Well, what I don't get is that all the vows that I've ever heard, even those in non-scriptural weddings, have said things like "forsaking all others..." So, they just forget about that part?

 

[Danoff]

Well, what I don't get is that all the vows that I've ever heard, even those in non-scriptural weddings, have said things like "forsaking all others..." So, they just forget about that part?

It's not a criminal offense to break your wedding vows. I suppose that technically it might be possible to sue for breach of contract or something... but it certainly isn't something that we should make criminal.

 

[Swift]

It's not a criminal offense to break your wedding vows. I suppose that technically it might be possible to sue for breach of contract or something... but it certainly isn't something that we should make criminal.

Then why are they're legal government sponsored benefits to it?

 

[Plague.Ghost]

Because the term "seperation of church and state" is a facade.

 

[Danoff]

Then why are they're legal government sponsored benefits to it?

Because the government is discriminatory. The government gives benefits to married people because the government (the people) thinks that marriage is better than non-marriage. The government thinks that home ownership is better than renting. Small business is better than big business. Alcohol is better than cigarrettes. Having children is better than not having children. That black people are more deserving of college admission than white. That handicapped people are better than non-handicapped people. That violence is better than sex. The poor are better than the rich.

The government discriminates (unconsitutionally) in an attempt to do some social engineering (Brian's favorite). It's unfair and, I would argue, immoral. But that's what it does.

 

[smellysocks12]

Good question.



If I ever get married and find out about my wife cheating I don't know about the consequences, but someone is going to get hurt.



At least divorce (break the contract) before screwing around with other guys. It's the same with men who cheat, if you want sex with other women why would you get married to begin with?

 

[///M-Spec]

I have a somewhat simpler answer.

Cheating isn't illegal because fidelity is not required by law for a binding marriage. At least, not in any states I'm aware of. There might be a few out there where it is, but not any of the major states.

You can't break a rule that doesn't exist in the first place.

I can go out and get married (assuming I wasn't already) by a clerk of the court and NOWHERE in the legal process of getting married --none of the forms and paperwork-- does it say you and your spouse are required to be sexually exclusive. You don't sign anything that states this. You don't say "I do" to this. The clerk or justice of the peace or notary is not requied by law to bring it up at all.

So all that stuff about "forsaking others" and such is not really enforceable. At least in the US for the most part. I've no idea about other countries, but I have heard in certain places, it's a capital crime punishable by a gruesome death.

HOWEVER. In most cases, infidelity in a marriage does have some consequences, but only on a civil level. For example, if you mess around on your wife and she decides to file for divorce, it can make a big difference in her settlement. She might get more alimony or get custody over the children easier, etc.

But the STATE doesn't fine you or send you to jail.

Which is the way it should be. Because who I sleep with is none of the State's business.


M

 

[DeLoreanBrown]

It's grounds for Divorce therefore it could have civil law penalty and as such goes against the code , leaving the matter of how protective your contract is & the severity such a flouting gets.

 

[Zardoz]

You think the jails are getting filled up now with all the drug convictions? Ha! That's nothin' compared to what would happen if "cheating" was a crime that could get you incarcerated!

We'd need Pentagon-sized prisons in every state devoted just to "cheaters"!

 

[Pako]

It used to be illegal to cheat in Montana. This is no longer the case. Personally I feel that if a spouse feels wronged by being cheated on, then that person has the right to file charges that are punishable by, above and beyond and settlements arrived from a divorce.

 

[Danoff]

It used to be illegal to cheat in Montana. This is no longer the case. Personally I feel that if a spouse feels wronged by being cheated on, then that person has the right to file charges that are punishable by, above and beyond and settlements arrived from a divorce.

Why? And since when does "feeling wronged" constitute a criminal offense.

 

[smellysocks12]

Why? And since when does "feeling wronged" constitute a criminal offense.

It is breaking the contract you sign when getting married. You sign a contract to stay with that person and not to go sleeping around with other people.


Hitting women is bad, cheating is bad, so if the law isn't going to do anything a knuckle sandwich would definitely make it even after someone has been cheating.

 

[Zardoz]

Problem is, we homo sapiens are not hard-wired for monogamy. In fact, we're naturally predisposed for just the opposite, so it creates all sorts of problems for us when we make promises we can't keep.

And if you disagree with the above, please explain all the infidelity that goes on.

 

[Danoff]

It is breaking the contract you sign when getting married. You sign a contract to stay with that person and not to go sleeping around with other people.


Hitting women is bad, cheating is bad, so if the law isn't going to do anything a knuckle sandwich would definitely make it even after someone has been cheating.

Are you suggesting that if we find our woman sleeping around we should beat her up???

 

[Famine]

Of course - what better way to punish a painful but legal indiscretion than with a criminal act?

 

[Danoff]

Of course - what better way to punish a painful but legal indiscretion than with a criminal act?

 

[livemusic]

Are you suggesting that if we find our woman sleeping around we should beat her up???

A lawyer told my friend that if you find out your woman is cheating on you and you kill her you can get away with it because you're defending your dignity. You know, like self defence.

I don't know if the lawyer was any good though.

Edit: And that sentence I just wrote got the "most you's in a sentence" award.

 

[Zardoz]

A lawyer told my friend that if you find out your woman is cheating on you and you kill her you can get away with it because you're defending your dignity. You know, like self defence.

And you actually believed your friend?

(Of course, in a few of the most backward and traditional societies around the world, this is, incredibly, quite true...)

 

[livemusic]

And you actually believed your friend?

(Of course, in a few of the most backward and traditional societies around the world, this is, incredibly, quite true...)

I actually kept laughing at him, but he said the lawyer was pretty convincing about it.

But I actually don't doubt a person with influence can get away with that around here.

 

[Pako]

Why? And since when does "feeling wronged" constitute a criminal offense.

What smellysocks12 said. It's a contract, a life promise, an agreement that in is taken much too lightly by some people. If I feel I have been wronged in a contractual agreement, I should have the right to either forgive and forget, or to pursue some means of penance. When did we become a society where our word doesn't matter any more? When did we become a society where we don't have to be accountable to anyone else?

@Zardoz, the burden of proof lies on you to prove that we are not predisposition to monogamous relationships. If you disagree, please explain all the successful monogamous relationships that ARE out there.

Commitment to remain faithful is a CHOICE. It is not a instinct that drives us one way or the other. We can choose to love or spouse or to not love our spouse. If there were laws that help support the constitution of marriage, maybe people would take marriage more seriously instead of just, "lets just try it out, and see if it works....?".

 

[Zardoz]

...Zardoz, the burden of proof lies on you to prove that we are not predisposed to monogamous relationships. If you disagree, please explain all the successful monogamous relationships that ARE out there...

Proof, shmoof. My opinion on the subject comes from a lifetime of observing marriages and other significant relationships, the majority of which have had one or both parties "stray".

Yes, I said "majority", hard as you might find that to believe. I've been stunned to discover some of these "secrets", often long after the fact. I've found out about people having affairs that I would never in a million years have thought might do something like that. I've been shocked to find out about the dalliances of people who were/are in the most solid, stable, conventional life-long marriages you could ever imagine.

A few years before she died, my mother and I talked about it, and she just came right out and said "Hardly anybody doesn't stray". At first I thought she was wrong, but I started paying attention and adding things up, and sure enough...

No, everybody doesn't do it, but sometimes it seems like it.

 

[Duke]

This makes no sense to me.

There are lots of legal benefits to being married, but breaking the marriage vows and contract has no direct penalty unless there is a divorce.

Because two parties can violate the terms of their own legally binding agreement all they want, as long as they're both OK with the violations.

There's no reason whatsoever that adultery should be illegal. It should remain legal grounds for divorce if one of the parties doen't consent, but there's absolutely no reason it should be an issue if both parties consent to accepting it.

Don't make laws where laws aren't necessary - if the cheatee feels they were wronged by the cheater, the current divorce statute protects the wronged party and gives them legal recourse - a divorce and alimony. If the cheatee does not feel wronged and is willing to continue abiding by the terms of the marriage contract, then there's no reason the State should care at all.

 

[Grand Prix]

"The state has no business in the bedrooms of the nation."
- Pierre Elliot Trudeau

This was mostly directed at homosexuality, but I think it applies nicely here as well.

 

[Swift]

Because two parties can violate the terms of their own legally binding agreement all they want, as long as they're both OK with the violations.

There's no reason whatsoever that adultery should be illegal. It should remain legal grounds for divorce if one of the parties doen't consent, but there's absolutely no reason it should be an issue if both parties consent to accepting it.

Don't make laws where laws aren't necessary - if the cheatee feels they were wronged by the cheater, the current divorce statute protects the wronged party and gives them legal recourse - a divorce and alimony. If the cheatee does not feel wronged and is willing to continue abiding by the terms of the marriage contract, then there's no reason the State should care at all.

Ok, let's say I agree with that. As Danoff pointed out earlier, why are there some serious benifits, from the state, for being and staying married? Should you at least not loose those benifits if you break the contract? Imagine what a different president bill clinton would've been.

 

[Danoff]

Ok, let's say I agree with that. As Danoff pointed out earlier, why are there some serious benifits, from the state, for being and staying married? Should you at least not loose those benifits if you break the contract? Imagine what a different president bill clinton would've been.

You do lose those benefits when you terminate the contract (divorce).

 

[FoolKiller]

- if the cheatee feels they were wronged by the cheater, the current divorce statute protects the wronged party and gives them legal recourse - a divorce and alimony.

What about no-fault states? Once you get a divorce it is only a matter of division of assets, child custody, and child support. When my father cheated on my mother all she got was child support until I turned 18 because she retained full custody of me and my brother. Not one penny of alimony was even mentioned.

These situations prevent even civil punishments for infidelity.

 

[MrktMkr1986]

"The state has no business in the bedrooms of the nation."
- Pierre Elliot Trudeau

This was mostly directed at homosexuality, but I think it applies nicely here as well.

Except if their bedroom contains a meth lab...

@Zardoz, the burden of proof lies on you to prove that we are not predisposition to monogamous relationships.

In 2002, the divorce rate in New York stood at 3.4 per 1,000 people. That's lower than the marriage rate of 7.3 per 1,000 people for the same year.

 

[Danoff]

Except if their bedroom contains a meth lab...

Even if their bedroom contains a meth lab.