Depression and Anxiety Thread

Discussion in 'The Rumble Strip' started by JohnBM01, Mar 24, 2004.

  1. MatskiMonk

    MatskiMonk

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    Don't be too hard on yourself.

    I found it very difficult talking to my GP in the early days. I don't know if shame is a word I'd use, more embarrassment, and for me it's not the issue was embarrassing, it's that I let it become an issue is what I struggled to talk about. With hindsight, I can still see why.. But I'd rather have wasted less of the last 25 years failing to deal with it myself and put up with the 30 seconds of embarrassment that just blurting it out to a professional would have caused.

    These things rot us more every day that we keep them inside us.
     
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  2. kikie

    kikie Premium

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    I'm aren't I?

    Indeed. Don't I know it.




    BTW I have had happy periods in my life as well. If I look back at those times, I like what I see (in my head). I still have good times but that is thanks to the antidepressant.
     
  3. HenrySwanson

    HenrySwanson

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    This seems like you will benefit from a psychologist as the psychiatrist likely believes your problems are more amenable to psychological input. I'd see it as a starting point more than anything else. That being said I would see if there is medical treatment that can be used in combination with the psychologist as you want the most effective intervention - particularly if you are cancelling appointments.
     
  4. GTPVenomZombie

    GTPVenomZombie

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    I have a problem.

    So I have this good friend of mine who I've known since early 2014, and during the last couple of years in my life he has been there for through the hardest of times. Although, one day in late 2018, he went in a mood with me because I was trying to make conversation with him and he just replied back with a one word reply. So I ignored it, didn't bother responding then he had a go at me saying I should show him more respect. I literally tell him and provve how much respect I have for my friend, I'm always defending him and So then I stood my ground, and told him like it was saying "How am I meant to reply to a one word reply?"... Now everyday then I've felt forced to talk to him, we've not a day where we have not talked since then. And a lot of the time, about 75% of the conversations we have these days he replies with one liners when we're in a conversation, and I have no idea how to reply but I get the feeling he expects me to reply when I simply don't know how too, so I go to the extra length of creating a new conversation just so he won't fall out with me again over me not replying.

    The thing is, I went through an awful stage in my life, and my friend was there for me. He helped me, and I'll always have respect and appreciation for it. So I'm stuck from a certain point of view, and I have no idea what to do. It's also like when some of the biggest moments in my life which has also happened, my other friends would congratulate me and be over the moon say when I passed my college course and stuff, found a job, got more shifts etc. but he never really seems that bothered. But as soon as he's done something big in his life, I'm really happy for him. I don't get a lot of appreciation back from him, I've payed his bills during times when he could not afford it, I've literally bailed him out, and he just does not make the effort with me some days when I try to make effort with him. It's like a couple times a week we'll have this big conversation about something, say Football for example then the rest of the conversation is all forced with his one liner replies. For example, I'll try to have a conversation with him, then he'll either reply with a one liner or he'll just completely ignore a chunk of the message or question I sent and it really makes me angry. If I did that, he would not like it. A lot of the conversations are forced and it makes me feel awful. I don't talk to a lot of my other friends everyday, me and my other friends usually just talk when something comes up or just for a general chat, not everyday and it's really exhausting when the conversations turns into one liners and I'm having to pick up the conversation. Whenever I tell him what I'm doing all I get is "Nice", whereas when he tells me what he's doing I actually show a bit of interest and talk more about it too. Which really discourages me to continue the conversation.

    I'd appreciate any help or advice. Sorry if my wording is off too, not feeling the greatest tonight. Just need a change and don't know how to do it.
     
    Last edited: Sep 23, 2020
  5. HenrySwanson

    HenrySwanson

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    Has your friend got a diagnosed mental health condition that you know of?
     
  6. GTPVenomZombie

    GTPVenomZombie

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    Nope, he doesn’t. I check up on him quite a lot as well, but he never really checks up on me much. I'm just going to give the same effort I receive from now on, because it's just draining mentally.
     
    Last edited: Sep 23, 2020
  7. HenrySwanson

    HenrySwanson

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    Is he like this with his other friends?
     
  8. W3HS

    W3HS Premium

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    Sometimes the best people who you can be around are the ones with which silence isn't uncomfortable.

    I can relate to your experience, I have a similar issue with my wife, but part of that is down to language differences.

    Unrelated, I've had vivid dreams recently that would put fear into Steven King. Terrifyingly twisted. Last night I woke up after one considerably dreadful dream and my heart rate was through the roof. At 3am I had to have a cigarette to stop my body from trembling.

    I'm still wondering if I can get PTSD from these dreams. They're really taking a toll on my mental health.
     
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  9. JohnBM01

    JohnBM01 Premium

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    You sometimes come across something as a pleasant surprise. Last week, I received a YouTube recommendation for a kids' cartoon series called Molang. I am mentioning Molang, not Mojang (creators of the Minecraft series). Anyhow... I saw one video and became a fan. The cuteness of Molang is enough to bring a smile to your face and warm your heart. Molang is this chubby bunny who has a little chick friend named Piu Piu. Together, the two engage in some unique and fun adventures. It is an adorable series that just warms your heart. It's cute without being annoyingly cute.

    I think the problem with some depressed or anxious people is that they don't really know or regard certain things people consider as happy escapes. They will always feel as if there is nothing to be happy about anymore or can't seem to generate any energy towards being happy. It is best to try to find something to be happy about or do something to help generate some happiness and hope. Even simply saying hello to someone can help someone feel happy and loved. Depression can bring you down and hurt you slowly. Get help if you can. If you are alone, do everything you can to try to keep a smile on your face. Reach out to someone if you can.


    Don't let depression or anxiety win.
     
  10. GTPVenomZombie

    GTPVenomZombie

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    Not from what I've seen. It's just really hard for me, because he expects me to talk to him everyday but makes almost no effort in his replies so sometimes I take about 10 mins just thinking of a reply back. Last time I never replied to his message which was a one worder, he had a go at me for it and almost fell out with me over it. So ever since, I've had anxiety about not replying to his messages. Sounds pretty bad when I read that over actually. Really affects my moods when I'm the one having to make conversation 80% of the time and still getting baraly nothing back.
     
  11. W3HS

    W3HS Premium

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    I’d reevaluate the definition of ‘friendship’ if I was you. Sounds like your boy is a bit of a melt.
     
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  12. GTPVenomZombie

    GTPVenomZombie

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    Yeah... I’ve started making equal effort with him now, because it’s just draining.
    I shouldn’t have to feel like I have to message someone everyday, it’s not right. Especially when I get small talk a lot of the time in response. I’ve noticed when I put in the same effort back, my friend either starts talking about a new subject or responds with a one liner with something that sounds forced. I’d much rather be ignored.
    Going to confront him about it soon. I appreciate everything he’s done for me, but this just ain’t right.
     
  13. kikie

    kikie Premium

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    First step. Good decision.
     
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  14. GTPVenomZombie

    GTPVenomZombie

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    I had the talk with my friend, and it went well! I told him that I'll be using social media less, that I barely use Facebook no more, and I just had a talk with him about our chats and stuff and told him that i'm gonna be active less now, but I'll still be up for a chat, & that I'll be here whenever he needs me etc. I was respectful about it, and he took it well. Now that he knows, I feel so much better. I can just live my life now without the worry about texting someone everyday, or constantly even after the conversation dies. Feels like a weight's been lifted of my chest. We managed to talk it through without falling out, and being grown ups about it. Feel a lot better now! :)
     
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  15. Hollow

    Hollow Premium

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    I’ve been dealing with a very close friend who has an addiction. I’m not sure if I’m helping or enabling the behavior further. I feel like it’s not suited to write about it publicly on this website, but I would appreciate some advice privately if someone has experience with helping others through such a thing. I personally don’t have access to therapists at the moment so I’ll have to deal with my trauma as time goes but it hurts me to not be able to help.
     
    Last edited: Oct 11, 2020
  16. kikie

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    CoÏnsidantially one hour ago I was looking for information what the symptoms when you don't have enough dopamine. People with an addiction have a disrupted dopamine balance. If a person is using his addiction, he produces more dopamine and dopamine is a pleasure and rewarding neurotransmitter.

    I think it works like this; when someone's dopamine levels are too low, he/she needs a dopamine fix. Acting or doing his/he favourite activity, which is also an addiction will increase the dopamine levels in the brain.
    So, if someone doesn't have enough dopamine receptors or not enough dopamine an addiction can be the result. A natural way to increase dopamine in the brain is by taking L-Tyrosine an amino acid and precursor for dopamine.

    I hope this helps. Before you do anything or something try to find professional help first.
     
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  17. HenrySwanson

    HenrySwanson

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    If it's alcohol you could try Al-Anon or if drugs Nar-Anon.
     
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  18. W3HS

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    Is your friends addiction destructive or are they functioning?

    Have you spoken to your friend about the situation and how it makes you feel?

    As an addict myself I could probably offer some advice but it does depend on the kind of addicting and the reason for.
     
  19. Hollow

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    I’ll try to keep it AUP friendly, but it’s an addiction to NSFW content, if you get my point. My friend has been addicted to paying for sites like OnlyFans, Premium Snapchat etc

    They are functioning fine, but there’s constant lying in order to hide the severity of the problem.

    I have confronted my friend a few times now, when I understood this might be an addiction, I encouraged him to seek therapy, but that didn't happen because of Covid. He said he wants to quit and not have a “problem” so I tried to support and told him honesty will help me help him through this. He agreed, but this entire time he was lying and still paying for that content. There are details to this that I can’t write on here but I’m now very sure that him being unable to stop paying is an addiction sign. He’s admitted that he can’t help but want to know what he’s not getting by not paying. His curiosity gets to him. I’m no expert but to me a lot of his behavior is that of an addicts. He continued to lie and pay when he knew he’d hurt people close to him.

    I really want what’s best for him but I’m not even sure what’s true and what’s not anymore. He doesn’t admit to anything until he’s absolutely cornered and shown evidence. He lies consistently. Maybe the severity of the situation is much worse than what I know. Therapy is something he can’t afford and I’ve read that he needs a therapist that specializes in this addiction in order for it to work?

    It’s been a year dealing with this and I’ve honestly given up on trying to help, but part of me thinks if I do enough he’ll turn around. I’ve googled a lot and read that addicts only change when THEY want to or when they hit rock bottom, so maybe I’m further enabling him to stay comfortable with all my help while what he really needs is rock bottom?

    He’s otherwise a really caring, empathetic and honest person. He actually refuses to white lie even when it’s needed lol so this behavior that he exhibits with this topic is very unlike his regular self.
     
    Last edited: Oct 17, 2020
  20. kikie

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    Ah, pr0n.



    Well, I applaud you for trying to help a friend in need. But if I'm allowed to give you my opinion; you won't be able to get him to change. It is simple actually. An addict will only change if he/she wants to. I mean really 100% want to change deep down inside him/her. As long as there is the slightest doubt in his/her mind, an addict will never changes. They need the dopamine rush.

    If he wants help, he will ask for help himself or he will automatically seek professional help. As long as he is lying, he can't be helped. He is not only hurting his friends and family but also himself.

    You can't change a person if this person doesn't want to change. Simple really.
     
  21. W3HS

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    Rock bottom does nobody any favours other. However, once at rock bottom, the only way one can go is up. Or dead. Depending on the addiction.

    If it’s an addition of the flesh and lust, then there’s probably a deeper issue than just paying for cam girls. There are reasons people fall into this habit.

    If you really want to go full saviour mode, you could trash the laptop/ PC and eat the credit cards of your friend, denying him any ability to access his addition. That’s extreme. But I’ve experienced forced abstinence and it just means that person is less likely to be honest about the situation and keep the addiction on the down-low.

    I gotta be honest, I’d rather have an addition to online fancies than the alcoholism that I deal with daily. But I honestly can’t compare, I just know that most addictions are based on a fundamental issues that has been or is unresolved.
     
  22. MatskiMonk

    MatskiMonk

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    @Hollow

    Can I avoid beating around the bush on this one? You're friend is spending too much on pornographic content of the variety that is sold directly by the 'content creator' themselves, thereby allowing for an emotional bridge from the 'purchaser' to the 'seller'... am I reading this right?

    To me, the key thing that you've said is...

    IMHO he's being as honest as he can here, and this should be the starting point. Setting aside the context, which is understandably something you feel is not appropriate to talk about publically (i.e. porn useage), look at what it is he's actually addicted to... I doubt it's the porn aspect itself, because the internet is awash with that and it doesn't cost a penny, even for content that is 99.9999% what he's paying for, what he is possibly 'addicted to'*, IMHO, is the connection he gets from doing it on an almost personal basis. I doubt it's honest curiosity, but more the frustration of missing out on that emotional bridge I mentioned at the top of the post. I've asterisked 'addicted to' there, because let's be fair - the drive for sexual relationships (of any sort) is kind of fundamental to our (most) species and isn't necessarily akin to having an alcohol problem or being a junkie... it's a reasonable desire that he's found a somewhat destructive conduit for, not a simple addiction.

    Sounds like a nice guy. How does he get on with relationships?
     
  23. W3HS

    W3HS Premium

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    Amiright? ;)

    Not trying to change the issue/ subject here, but today I think I found the cause of my alcoholism.
    I’m generally pretty easy going, that is to say, I’ve conditioned myself to be mellow and stoic. Because beer.

    What I realised today is that I may be permanently in the “flight or fight” setting and the way I combat this to avoid that frame of mind is alcohol. Alcohol doesn’t exactly eliminate the flight or fight (I’m always up for a good scrap) but it takes the expectation away so that I can relax and not feel like I need the F or F mode engaged.

    That was totally random.

    @Hollow, feel free to drop me a line if you’re struggling with this situation. I can only hope my own addition might be of use to others.
     
  24. MatskiMonk

    MatskiMonk

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    I can't remember if I ever got round to posting it, but the anxiety affects me is making flight, or freeze, my default response. Takes alcohol to trigger the fight response, which is no use in work situations that are the major cause of my anxiety - because it's frowned upon to get drunk at work.
     
  25. Hollow

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    He has stated a few times that he doesn’t really see anything inherently “wrong” with his behavior, and if he were to stop it’d not be for himself.

    His bare minimum effort at getting help was about his lying, not his inability to stop paying. So I guess it’s safe to say that he hasn’t reached that stage where he truly even acknowledges he might have a problem.

    Everything is accessible for free, even the content he’s paying for. He says why waste time looking for stuff when you can just pay for it, and sorry if TMI, but he said this type of personal style content has always been his preference, it’s just now it has become more of a lucrative business.

    The “OnlyFans” type of content that he’s paying for does have a very personal feel to it, it doesn’t feel like a random actress, more like someone you can get to know and you’re getting to see something you’re not supposed to. It might just be the novelty aspect of it. These websites and apps have a one on one messaging component to it, but he swears he’s never wanted to use that or have any urge to get to know these women, if an emotional bridge is what he’s after, won’t that be something he would be doing too? What kind of emotional bridge is he possibly seeking then?


    So rock bottom is horrible but not necessarily enough to change an addicts behavior.
    Forced abstinence does sound a bit extreme, it might push him to consume further and see me as someone who is trying to control him?

    I’m biting more than I could chew I think. He
    might have a lot he hasn’t shared.
     
    Last edited: Oct 18, 2020
  26. kikie

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    I probably misunderstood.

    But the lying is just an underlying issue of his addiction. It is part of the same problem he has. And as you already stated, to acknowledge that he has a problem is the first step to recovery.
     
  27. phillkillv2

    phillkillv2

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    Ah, life feels so useless sometimes.