Only if you are 100% sure of yourself. I don't want to be responsible if things get worse.
If you say so.
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Depression and Anxiety Thread
- Thread starter JohnBM01
- 2,115 comments
- 139,252 views
- 196
- Canada
I was actually trying to help with his inflammation and not depression.
Googling Adderalls.
- 196
- Canada
- 2,156
- United Kingdom
- 5,141
- Nicest part of hell
Yes, I have been thinking about it for a while now, thing is I have that severe inflammation only during winter/early spring, from late spring till late autumn I'm fully healed and leading a totally normal life. (I just have to watch my diet) I got colonoscopies during that time revealing that my guts are scarred but fully healed during that time period. Which is, as mentioned before rather unusual for chronic inflammatory diseases in the guts. Usually there is always some level of inflammation going on, its not an on/off condition. Also, my problems start BEFORE an actual inflammation occurs, not BECAUSE of it. Diarrhea and bad cramps pop up weeks before an inflammation starts to develop. That's the reverse of what should happen with a typical chronic inflammatory disease.
I have a hard time justifying a surgery if I don't suffer from any problems for 75% of the year, if I don't know whats actually going on and I still have the faintest hope of finding the culprit. Maybe it IS some weird parasite that just evaded detection so far. Stuff like this happens more often than people realize.
Going back to the topic of this thread, I'm afraid it might even be, for a big part, a physiological problem. When I first got the inflammation, and the first time it was REALLY bad, I was having a very hard time, financial stress, I was about to lose my house, I was severely depressed, lonely and overworked, more than ever before in my life.
Now, this year was the second most disastrous for me, (not just because of the pandemic) and this time the inflammation has come back earlier and in a much more severe version than in the past couple years, pretty much like the first time I got it. Is that all a weird coincidence?
As I said before, right now my plan is to survive the next couple months somehow, and when things get better I will move. Maybe changing locations will help me in some way, changing my surroundings. If its something in the water, or pesticides, or animals carry something here it could work. Many of my neighbors (farmers) got weird health conditions in the past couple years, ranging from gut infections that lead to surgeries, to several cases of leukemia. Maybe I'm seeing things here but its a little weird.
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- 16,432
- United Kingdom
A couple of years ago, when my mother started getting really sick she was getting inflamed, infected intestines. Despite spending around 60% of her time being admitted to hospital the doctors could not find the cause. They offered surgery to remove a substantial portion of the intestines, which my mother wasn't too keen on. In the end, they fitted two drains into her back, over which she had to wear ostomy bags to collect the infected fluid being generated. This improved her condition but still the doctors couldn't find the source of the infection. Eventually they referred her to the infectious and tropical diseases (IIRC) doctors to see if they could find anything "new". They did not, but they did find a tiny infection caused by a tear in the tip of her appendix, literally millimeters apparently. They operated and the mystery infection cleared up soon after. She was immunocompromised because of Lymphoma treatment, and each bout of infection got serious very quickly, we were pretty shocked at the time how something so serious could go on for so long without effective treatment, and massive (and eventually unnecessary) surgery being the only option.
- 2,156
- United Kingdom
Interestingly, the condition that seems to resemble yours (ulcerative colitis, at least going from the information you've provided and my limited knowledge) may have seasonal variation:
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3870560/
https://sciencenorway.no/climate-di...limate-can-explain-intestinal-trouble/1397209
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- 5,141
- Nicest part of hell
An interesting read, thanks. Due to the current circumstances, I can actually rule out some factors. For example, respiratory infections causing a relapse, I have been doing severe isolation due to the Covid outbreak since spring, using respiratory protection religiously. The last cough/cold I had was ten years ago or so. The isolation would also rule out infections with bacteria and viruses contracted from other people.
This time my relapse is really bad, and there were a few things special in this year (besides covid) Climatically, the summer was very short, wet and temperatures declined way quicker than in the last couple years. This year I also stayed indoors much more than in the previous years, I usually do lots of mountain climbing and hiking - not this year though. Eating might also be a factor, 2020 I tried to eat as LITTLE diverse as possible to rule out problematic foods causing my condition. All I ate was rice, potatoes, meat, fish and a little chocolate (magnesium), no spices no sauces, no nothing. Apparently, that did not help.
Those realizations will all be incorporated into my 2021 self-restoration plan. I'll move into the city, eat more diverse (but still healthily), be physically more active outdoors, start climbing and hiking again. Maybe it will help depression and my condition. At least I need to try.
I guess most dramatic vitamin deficiencies lead to depression and weakened health eventually.
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Not true. People living in countries with tropical climates have a Vit D deficiency as well because it is so hot in those countries that they prefer to stay indoors or cover their bodies to protect against the brutal sun.
EDIT: also people with darker skin need to be much longer in the sun than people with fair/light skin.
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10 months and still not depression free. This is the longest time I have been in a depression. It is 
.
Suicide thoughts/feelings were very strong yesterday and today and had to fight hard against these thoughts/feelings. Luckily these feelings went away this afternoon.
I have only one person to blame and that is myself. Last Saturday I started taking Temesta again (crisis here at my home), low dosage the first two days. Monday and Tuesday I took more. As I have told this before, I believe it was last year (?), when I take benzodiazepines I always relapse big time. Even though it is obvious, I still have doubts that it's a benzo problem. Maybe it is the depression that makes me doubt and makes stupid and wrong decisions? I don't know anymore. I was doing better last week but my situation here at home is very difficult and that makes it even harder. My father is also depressed but not all the time and 7 years ago he became disabled and has been in a lot of pain since then. I see this all the time, I mean that he is suffering a lot. I have nobody to help me because I'm an only child and I lost my mother many years ago. Luckily I have support from my cousins and nieces. They worry about me which I don't understand why and call from time to time to see how everything is with me and my father (their uncle
).
Even when I'm severely depressed, like the last two days, I still have to take care of my father, do groceries, see if he takes his medicines, make lunch, which is most of the time impossible. Also a huge problem is his brain. He had 8 major operations (surgery) between March 2012 and December 2015. The anesthesia didn't do any good. He had a few hospital confusions (I don't know how to call it in English) and hallucinated all the time when in hospital. His short term memory is shot and sometimes he asks questions, which he should know the answer to and sounds like a little boy. Luckily he is not like this all the time.
After 7 years I found out that there is a relation between him being confused and the painkiller he sometimes took (combination of paracetamol and Tramadol). It is the Tramadol that messed up his brain and he got very confused (this was one of the crises last week that made me take Temesta again). I hope I can eat a little bit today.
Life sucks and I truly hope that I die rather young instead of getting old and suffer all this time.
I'm very sorry for the negative rant, it is Christmas and I should be enjoying myself. It helps to write it down though. I'm aware that a depressed and anxious person like me is someone you like to stay away from, in person and online.
I'll try to stay active on GTP but it is hard when I'm feeling terrible but I have managed to do so these last 10 months. I can't even think properly and struggle to write this post in English.
.Suicide thoughts/feelings were very strong yesterday and today and had to fight hard against these thoughts/feelings. Luckily these feelings went away this afternoon.
I have only one person to blame and that is myself. Last Saturday I started taking Temesta again (crisis here at my home), low dosage the first two days. Monday and Tuesday I took more. As I have told this before, I believe it was last year (?), when I take benzodiazepines I always relapse big time. Even though it is obvious, I still have doubts that it's a benzo problem. Maybe it is the depression that makes me doubt and makes stupid and wrong decisions? I don't know anymore. I was doing better last week but my situation here at home is very difficult and that makes it even harder. My father is also depressed but not all the time and 7 years ago he became disabled and has been in a lot of pain since then. I see this all the time, I mean that he is suffering a lot. I have nobody to help me because I'm an only child and I lost my mother many years ago. Luckily I have support from my cousins and nieces. They worry about me which I don't understand why and call from time to time to see how everything is with me and my father (their uncle
).Even when I'm severely depressed, like the last two days, I still have to take care of my father, do groceries, see if he takes his medicines, make lunch, which is most of the time impossible. Also a huge problem is his brain. He had 8 major operations (surgery) between March 2012 and December 2015. The anesthesia didn't do any good. He had a few hospital confusions (I don't know how to call it in English) and hallucinated all the time when in hospital. His short term memory is shot and sometimes he asks questions, which he should know the answer to and sounds like a little boy. Luckily he is not like this all the time.
After 7 years I found out that there is a relation between him being confused and the painkiller he sometimes took (combination of paracetamol and Tramadol). It is the Tramadol that messed up his brain and he got very confused (this was one of the crises last week that made me take Temesta again). I hope I can eat a little bit today.
Life sucks and I truly hope that I die rather young instead of getting old and suffer all this time.
I'm very sorry for the negative rant, it is Christmas and I should be enjoying myself. It helps to write it down though. I'm aware that a depressed and anxious person like me is someone you like to stay away from, in person and online.
I'll try to stay active on GTP but it is hard when I'm feeling terrible but I have managed to do so these last 10 months. I can't even think properly and struggle to write this post in English.
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- 26,262
- Houston, Texas, USA
- JMarine25
Just because a new year is upon us doesn't mean the world's problems from the previous year will magically go away. It just means a new year brings new hope. It may even bring pleasant surprises that you may not see coming. So remain hopeful and always make the most of each day moving forward.
Just like any year- don't let depression or anxiety win.
Just like any year- don't let depression or anxiety win.
- 29,588
- Thailand
I found these two factors to be a vicious cycle. The more I drank, the more anxious I felt which led to depression and thus drinking more to ‘pick myself up’.
I’ve always been of the view that life is dull when I’m sober but really it’s just normal. When I’m drinking I think I’m eradicating the boredom but I’m just numbing the pain of existence instead of embracing it.
- 29,588
- Thailand
I catagorically can state that I am a big jerk when I’m drunk. Life’s scary, man, no doubt. If your drinking for escapism (to feel a different way) then be careful as that leads down a dangerous path. I don’t know how far invested you are into drinking but I’ve seen it rip apart lives, including my own, when it gets heavy, so choose carefully.
- 5,141
- Nicest part of hell
Strange how differently people react to drugs and alcohol. I only drink alcohol because of the taste, and only very rarely, like a good quality beer or a glass of rum watching my favorite TV show once every two weeks or so.
Thing is, when I drink alcohol to the extend it alters my perception and my behavior, (getting drunk) it amplifies my bad thoughts, worries and troubles. I always get so sad and miserable when I drink on parties or festivities that my friends ask me what's wrong with me, and I have a hard trying to act like I'm supposed to, funny and lighthearted. I don't get aggressive, happy, stupid or anything else, I stay that way until I am so intoxicated I keel over.
Which is not a bad thing I guess, otherwise I would resort to alcohol to dull my problems.
On the other hand, a high quality south American cigar, a churchill-format or bigger, calms me tremendously. Such cigar has the nicotine dosage of about 50 cigarettes and works wonders on my mood for hours. I feel relaxed, troubles seem far more minor than before AND I am not intoxicated like when drunk.
Thing is, when I drink alcohol to the extend it alters my perception and my behavior, (getting drunk) it amplifies my bad thoughts, worries and troubles. I always get so sad and miserable when I drink on parties or festivities that my friends ask me what's wrong with me, and I have a hard trying to act like I'm supposed to, funny and lighthearted. I don't get aggressive, happy, stupid or anything else, I stay that way until I am so intoxicated I keel over.
Which is not a bad thing I guess, otherwise I would resort to alcohol to dull my problems.
On the other hand, a high quality south American cigar, a churchill-format or bigger, calms me tremendously. Such cigar has the nicotine dosage of about 50 cigarettes and works wonders on my mood for hours. I feel relaxed, troubles seem far more minor than before AND I am not intoxicated like when drunk.
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- 2,156
- United Kingdom
Are you studying or working or a full time carer?10 months and still not depression free. This is the longest time I have been in a depression. It is
Suicide thoughts/feelings were very strong yesterday and today and had to fight hard against these thoughts/feelings. Luckily these feelings went away this afternoon.
I have only one person to blame and that is myself. Last Saturday I started taking Temesta again (crisis here at my home), low dosage the first two days. Monday and Tuesday I took more. As I have told this before, I believe it was last year (?), when I take benzodiazepines I always relapse big time. Even though it is obvious, I still have doubts that it's a benzo problem. Maybe it is the depression that makes me doubt and makes stupid and wrong decisions? I don't know anymore. I was doing better last week but my situation here at home is very difficult and that makes it even harder. My father is also depressed but not all the time and 7 years ago he became disabled and has been in a lot of pain since then. I see this all the time, I mean that he is suffering a lot. I have nobody to help me because I'm an only child and I lost my mother many years ago. Luckily I have support from my cousins and nieces. They worry about me which I don't understand why and call from time to time to see how everything is with me and my father (their uncle
Even when I'm severely depressed, like the last two days, I still have to take care of my father, do groceries, see if he takes his medicines, make lunch, which is most of the time impossible. Also a huge problem is his brain. He had 8 major operations (surgery) between March 2012 and December 2015. The anesthesia didn't do any good. He had a few hospital confusions (I don't know how to call it in English) and hallucinated all the time when in hospital. His short term memory is shot and sometimes he asks questions, which he should know the answer to and sounds like a little boy. Luckily he is not like this all the time.
After 7 years I found out that there is a relation between him being confused and the painkiller he sometimes took (combination of paracetamol and Tramadol). It is the Tramadol that messed up his brain and he got very confused (this was one of the crises last week that made me take Temesta again). I hope I can eat a little bit today.
Life sucks and I truly hope that I die rather young instead of getting old and suffer all this time.
I'm very sorry for the negative rant, it is Christmas and I should be enjoying myself. It helps to write it down though. I'm aware that a depressed and anxious person like me is someone you like to stay away from, in person and online.
I'll try to stay active on GTP but it is hard when I'm feeling terrible but I have managed to do so these last 10 months. I can't even think properly and struggle to write this post in English.
Sometimes things can give purpose to life and focus the mind away from depressive thoughts.
How has the Temesta use been since this post?
I'm not allowed to work due to me relapsing all the time (every 3 years).
I've used Temesta (actually Lorazepam (Ativan)) with every depression but not as much as in 2017 and 2020 (Temesta expidet). I know since 2017 (found out myself by thinking and reasoning about my depressions/anxiety) that Temesta is to blame for making my depressions much worse than it had to be without Temesta. Also, Temesta creates a lot of anxiety.
Problem is that when I'm in hell and suffering big time you want it to stop so you take Temesta. Although last year, I managed a few times to not touch Temesta for a long period of time, which is even more hellish. But I gathered all my willpower and managed to stay off it. Don't forget, I was depressed all day long from when I wake up until around 10 or 11 pm (until I started to get better). So I stay up late to enjoy (literally) two hours of feeling normal. These last two hours were always my rescue because when I went to bed, the suicidal, compelling thoughts/feelings were always gone.
I still have quite the collection of Benzos left over from all those years. I also have Lysanxia.
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- 2,156
- United Kingdom
That's interesting that you use it when you have the depressive episodes - is it for a specific type of anxiety?
Me?
Temesta is a tranquilizer for calming down get rid of anxiety and feel normal during depressions.
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