Depression and Anxiety Thread

Discussion in 'The Rumble Strip' started by JohnBM01, Mar 24, 2004.

  1. phillkillv2

    phillkillv2

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    This is my first time hearing of that experiment. It's gonna be a nice read.

    Maybe 'life is pointless' is what I'm trying to say. Useless might be the wrong word. It's like everyone is tripping over themselves to make an incremental gain, despite the gain meaning nothing in the end. As you say for yourself, I'm also stuck playing the game despite questioning it.

    I would say more, but I'm not sure if it'd make sense.
     
  2. Michael88

    Michael88 Premium

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    I feel the same, but then the question pops into my head: have I got anything better to do than playing this trivial and idiotic game?

    I got nothing.

    Also, there is no certainty to know what does happen after life. Maybe some physical phenomenons we do not understand yet (multiverse & quantum death just to name two) prevents you from ''actual general death'', or realizing this universe is not quite perfect and dying means glitching out terribly in some way for eternity. Continuing to exist in some way after death could be far worse.
     
    Last edited: Nov 13, 2020
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  3. HenrySwanson

    HenrySwanson

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    But is it worth it on those days where it seems you are rewarded/happy?
     
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  4. phillkillv2

    phillkillv2

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    I'm not even sure, I'm just numb to it sometimes, like I know it's temporary.
     
  5. kikie

    kikie Premium

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    Top Tip for today: don't combine Milk Thistle with antidepressants. I found out the hard way these last 14 days. :ouch:
     
    Last edited: Nov 19, 2020
  6. W3HS

    W3HS Premium

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    Top tip for today: don’t combine alcohol and Prozac. It may result in a tree climb with a rope. Luckily my wife is a beacon of reason and a force of nature.

    The not so amusing dilemma is that if I don’t every few days I run the risk of DTs (withdrawal) which could kill me. Yet, when I do drink, I do it to an extreme that could lead to death, either through suicide or other means.

    So I can’t not drink for fear of seizures and convulsion at the worst, and horrific depression at the least. But if I do drink, I risk drinking too much (which is inevitable) and ending up tying slipknots and writing impromptu goodbyes.
     
  7. kikie

    kikie Premium

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    I have always been very skeptical towards people like Wim Hof because it is how I was. This year during my 8th clinical depression something changed and I'm not cynical anymore.

    Watch this video.


     
  8. JohnBM01

    JohnBM01 Premium

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    Hopefully you all have had a great Thanksgiving 2020. This year has made most of us be closer with our families since the rage of COVID-19/Coronavirus. This situation has hurt everyone in some sort of way. Even those who aren't as outgoing- like myself- often just want to stay home. If you don't have anyone to comfort you or feel loved in the presence of, try your best not to feel lonely and depressed. As I have started to hear recently, "it's okay to not be okay." Just find the needed help and try to move on with your life.

    It is toughest when you feel down and don't have anyone to care for you. Or at least, have someone who does care but someone you don't particularly trust. This is a tough case in which you have to self-care. Only you know you best. So if you feel you have to cut some people out of your life or break away from certain habits, do so to help your overall frame of mind. If you do have friends or family to look to, communicate with them to help yourself out when faced with depression or anxiety.


    Don't let depression or anxiety win.
     
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  9. HenrySwanson

    HenrySwanson

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    Interesting. Have you tried cold showers?
     
  10. CLowndes888

    CLowndes888 Premium

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    I'm not depressed, and nor do I have anxiety, but I have a problem with university.

    When I left high school 2 years ago, I wanted to go to uni and do a graphic design course. I went to a few open days and searched for courses around Melbourne, eventually finding one at RMIT. It was a diploma of graphic design and on the first day I was a bit nervous, because uni is very different to high school and I didn't know what to expect. It turned out to be a great choice and I got into the stride of things rather quickly. It was a lot of fun - I did many new and exciting things with a kind group of students. I didn't have a lot of problems and I got decent results for my work, which gave me a sense of accomplishment - something that high school sometimes struggled to provide. I completed the diploma without any trouble, which naturally gave me a lot of confidence heading into my second year (this year). I originally applied for the Advanced Diploma but that got shelved, so I had to do the Associate Degree instead. That wasn't a big deal, as the teachers assured me that it would be the same if not better than the Advanced Diploma. Initially, it seemed fine and the classes were going well, but I found myself in a spot of bother sooner than I expected.

    My confidence was shattered when I started my first project for the Graphic Design Studio class. The amount of stuff we had to do before we even started the work was insane - all these brainstorming and sketching tasks which not only seemed complicated, but confusing. In my opinion it was pointless and I really struggled. Eventually, I got started on the work and tried to come up with something that I thought was acceptable. It wasn't. OK, fair enough, I'll just make some adjustments and improve the work. Nope, that wasn't good enough either. I went back and forth between the teachers several times and it was very frustrating. They didn't acknowledge the effort I put in to make it right. Still, I carried on and after some more deliberation, I created something that worked. Success! Then COVID happened and uni was cancelled. Just what I needed! We started doing our classes online, which made things harder. I kept working on the project, and I was quite pleased with the result despite the change. My feedback was OK, and I didn't have a massive issue with it.

    Then came the major project of the year in semester 2. This is where things start to get stupid, and I had a literal breakdown when I presented my idea. I accidentally submitted the wrong file, which had some information missing. I realised this when I was giving the presentation, but I wasn't allowed to upload the right file and carry on, so I was basically cut off early, which robbed me of critical feedback. I was furious and I honestly wanted to kill myself right there and then. However I was given a chance to send them the correct file, so they went over it and gave me feedback. Problem solved. I got started on my project, and things went very well - I was able to get feedback each week and make improvements. I was shown a few references and tried incorporating them into my work. Everyone was satisfied and I thought great, my work is actually paying off. But when I looked at the mark and the feedback, I was confused. They said that I was "unwilling" to make changes based on feedback, and that my project was "inconsistent" and "generic". That goes against everything they said to me! They seemed pleased with what I came up with! If it was soo bad, why wasn't I told? Is it my fault? Is it theirs? Will I get the Associate Degree? I got 50% for all of my hard work. Pathetic! What's the deal? I am livid and I'm not sure if I can go back to RMIT anymore. I might try looking for a job or going to another university, because this is just a joke. I've got the rough end of the pineapple, and I don't feel as though the teachers are aware of the situation.

    I thought hard work paid off. Maybe not. It's demoralising and totally unfair for me to be subject to this kind of crap. I'm now questioning my ability as a a graphic designer - Am I good enough? Have I chosen the wrong thing? Is this what industry is really like? Am I out of my depth? I really hope I can succeed as a graphic designer, but with all these questions going around, I have my doubts.
     
    Last edited: Nov 29, 2020
  11. Imari

    Imari

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    That sucks man. It sucks worse when you're really trying your hardest, and the feedback you're getting is "nope, do better".

    Now maybe they're right, maybe your work isn't of the standard that is expected for the course. But if you're doing your best then that's not your fault. That's their fault for not teaching you better. You're paying big bucks for them to teach you how to be a graphic designer, and if they're not teaching you in a way that you can turn into skills then that's a problem. Too often I see teachers blaming students for being bad, when the truth is really that they're just bad teachers.

    FWIW, I moved from Physics to Chemistry at uni (admittedly some time ago now) purely because the teachers sucked. It cost me about 6 months, but it was ultimately worth it for me because the staff were so much better. So yeah, moving on is an option. If you want to be a graphic designer, then keep that dream with you but it doesn't mean that you necessarily need to do it with these particular people.

    But maybe you do decide that you want to stay in this course, and you just want to address these issues so that you can be the best you can be. Maybe try and find a teacher or senior student you feel comfortable talking to and ask them for advice. Tell them you're working hard and doing your best, but it's just not working and you're not quite sure what's going wrong.

    If you don't have someone like that in the department or that's just not comfortable then RMIT seems like they have some student support services available, like counselling. I'd imagine that problems like this are not uncommon, and you will be far from the first person to ask for help. Maybe they could give you some insight into what's going on and what you might want to do about it. You don't have to have actual mental health problems or anything, you can just be having a tough time figuring out how to deal with some life BS which sounds more or less like your situation.

    https://www.rmit.edu.au/students/support-and-facilities/student-support/counselling/about-us

    To be clear, I don't know anything about graphic design as an industry specifically, but I do know that every university graduate in every field that I've ever talked to has said that when you get your first job it's never anything like university. The running joke is that all the stuff that you learn at uni is just like background information, and you then have to learn even more stuff to be useful at your job. It's not entirely true, but a lot of it is. To some extent, uni is just practising learning so that you're quicker at picking stuff up when you get into the "real world". But the point is that real jobs are generally very little like university where they're just focused on dumping as much relevant information into you as possible.

    I barely scraped through uni because I have legit problems with the standardised sit-down-and-study-from-this-book style of teaching, but then when I got a real job I did really well because I pick up stuff quickly, I work hard and I get :censored: done. It might be the same for you, uni may not be your thing but you may need to get through it in order to get to being a real graphic designer. It turns out that unless you're going for a PhD or some higher education, marks generally don't matter that much as long as you pass and get the qualification.

    Am I right in thinking that even despite all the BS you've been through you still really want to be a graphic designer? Don't worry about if you're good enough or if it's too hard or whatever, is this something that you're excited about and you wish you could spend more time doing? I mean, you kinda sound like you still want it.
     
  12. CLowndes888

    CLowndes888 Premium

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    I'm just confused about the conflicting information. It's as if the discussions I had were for nothing. I really want to continue with graphic design because for a physically disabled person like me, it's a feasible career option. It doesn't discriminate, and the focus on creativity allows me to forget about my ailment. Reading such scathing feedback will knock anyone's confidence and it's hard to take, but you have to move on. There are other opportunities for me to achieve my goal, and if it means going elsewhere, that's what I'll do. I just hope that I've passed everything because if I don't get the Degree, I'm screwed. That's what I fear because I don't want to do the course again.
     
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  13. kikie

    kikie Premium

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    Not yet. But I started with his breathing technique. And finally after all these years I started practicing breathing through my nose instead of my mouth.
     
  14. MatskiMonk

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    Yeah, can be!

    On the plus side, when you're out in the real world, you realise how much more sense some of the stuff you're struggling with now, actually makes. You said you struggled with some of the initial steps and prep work, and the feedback you got on your output was 'generic' or 'inconsistent'. I could be entirely wrong, but to me, 'There's ya problem'... (Not that my time was spent as a graphic designer, mind, but developing an idea follows a certain process in many, many fields). Ignore me if I'm talking rubbish, but I had the same problem at college with my engineering design tech work... I struggled at those early stages, and the feedback I got was the same. For me, it's because rather than following a development process, I decided early on what I wanted to do, and made everything else fit it, along the way having to incorporate my lecturers suggestions... and that's arse about face - but I just couldn't get my head around doing it any other way...

    ... roll on 20 years, and doing that stuff is basically my day to day job, and it absolutely makes sense to me now why I was supposed to be doing stuff that way... I wish I had the perspective now that I had then, I really do. I've even contemplated going back and starting again, but hey - I've got a swish job title and a couple of patents now, so who cares... (even if it is sod all to do with what I wanted to do at college!)

    P.S. if you want to be a graphic designer, you need to get better at taking the knocks... across the three business I'm involved with (which are wide ranging), I've seen designers and other creative types chewed up and spat out by the group owner, despite their work being perfectly acceptable. You're going to meet people that give you poor quality criticism in the real world, it sucks - but it'll happen.

    Just my two cents.
     
  15. kikie

    kikie Premium

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  16. Hollow

    Hollow Premium

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    This year has been very tough to get through for most if not everyone. I’m mentally still in March 2020, but slowly accepting that it’s going to be 2021 in about 29 days.

    But I‘m finding it increasingly hard to accept what my life has become, even though most of the things that happen in it are beyond my control. The things I can control, I can’t get myself to do. Whatever hobby or activity I pick, I can’t help but feel like I’m not learning it right. That I could be utilizing the time I have doing something better than whatever I chose to do. Constantly having a “perfect” standard for every activity I choose, just sucks the joy out of everything.

    Everything is soo goddamn tiring too.

    My sleep anxiety has gotten worse, I’m anxious about falling asleep, I’m anxious about not falling asleep. I’m too sleepy to be awake, and too awake to be sleepy. If I do doze off, I wake up within an hour either feeling sick or just panicking for no reason. If I think about sleeping (I do get sleepy), I get this uneasy feeling of struggle, frustration of not being able to easily drift off, which causes me more anxiety, because I’ll have no choice but to go through it again.

    I was almost always in fight or flight mode most of my life, anyone being loud around me gave me palpitations, always in crisis mode, as if there’s an emergency situation that I have to figure out constantly. But even that stopped happening, I’m just numb now, can’t get myself to react to most things around me even if I want to. It’s like an emotional fatigue.

    Frequent existential crisis, questioning my purpose in life, and I don’t really have an answer, neither do I want one anymore. Is it bad to want to have an insignificant life? To not want to do anything special? I’m fine with mundane, I crave normal. Maybe I am what you call a mediocre person with a mediocre life, is it a failure to be okay with that? I don’t know, but I‘ve yet to reach my 30s and feel like I can already envision how everything is going to go from there onwards, and I feel lazy to actually go through it. I feel lazy to actually live life. When I hear “live life to the fullest” I feel the drag, it’s soo much work and must be tiring, and I’m already soo tired.

    Is adrenaline a solution to this? Will nature help? Maybe fighting a huge bear will kickstart my want to live?
     
    Last edited: Dec 3, 2020
  17. kikie

    kikie Premium

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    It turns out that correct breathing through the nose and cognitive behavioral therapy is a very good start.
    One could also practice heart coherence a technique developed by HearthMath in California. These are scientists with scientific devices who can measure and back up everything created by heart coherence.
     
  18. XSquareStickIt

    XSquareStickIt

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    I don't know why I'm upset anymore
    I've no right to be depressed
    I've everything they say I do
    But I never feel like I've a right to be happy either

    I don't know why I feel the things that I do
    I've no idea where to start explaining
    All the family and science say that they understand me
    And yet I never feel like I can fly myself out this hole

    I'm told I should seek help
    But I can never bear the thought
    Of putting my life in someone else's hands
    As just their job, just another client
    I could not handle being abandoned again

    I'm scared of everything and nothing
    Am I trying too hard, or not enough?
    Am I being too hard, or too soft?
    Ricocheted between extremes
    I am firmly stuck in a meaningless medium
    That is me and my life

    I wake up already done for the day
    My eyes are open but I can't see clearly
    I have words but not a song
    I have feelings but I should pay them no heed
    I try to sleep only to keep myself awake
    Thoughts of blowing things out of proportion scare me as much
    Nights like these come to pass, but never go away
    I'm online, but I'm ever more disconnected
    I want help, but not the judgment, pity and fear
    I need help, but I've nothing to pay with
    I want someone close, but far enough away
    I want validation, not a solution
    I'm overpowered by my insignificance
    I am alive when I should be dead
    I have taken every pill when they told me to
    Tried to cope only to hate myself when my mind clears
    I feel like I've tried everything and nothing all the same

    I write so much, and yet none of it is new
    I know this is wrong, but I don't know what's right
    I know this can't go on, but

    I wasn't taught how to find a happy medium
    I wasn't taught how to deal with these feelings
    I wasn't taught how to be bullied and disliked
    How to correctly be different or depressed
    I wasn't taught how to be the loser in life
    I wasn't taught how to explain it
    I wasn't taught how to be me

    I was only told to live
     
  19. Michael88

    Michael88 Premium

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    My intestinal inflammation has returned and I'm constantly in severe pain, bleeding internally and ******** my brains out, the medications hardly do anything and there is no cure. That problem always appears in early winter and usually takes 3-4 months to get back to normal, and that condition can become life threatening quickly.
    I feel sick and tired all the time, I have trouble not to throw up when eating, office work is becoming even more of a chore that way, everyone I know is either in quarantine or infected, several neighbors are in the hospital fighting for their lives, besides one co-worker and the people I see when grocery shopping I have not seen or talked to a single person in over 8 months, I can't do any of my hobbies due to the pandemic (and health), its cold, dark and miserable outside and I have absolutely nothing to look forward to.

    Yeah, I'm not having a great time. Just felt like venting, sorry.

    Maybe that helps some people here to feel better, if I can drag my miserable a$$ through life you can carry on too.
     
    Last edited: Dec 4, 2020
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  20. HenrySwanson

    HenrySwanson

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    Man that sucks.

    Do you maybe require a course of intravenous steroids from the hospital?
     
  21. kikie

    kikie Premium

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    Don't apologize. If you feel the need to vent and write down what you are going through, by all means, do so and don't worry about it.
     
    Last edited: Dec 4, 2020
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  22. Hmmm, I've been suffering these same issues for around 9 years now, since my second kidney opp. I bleed out my rear and have been in constant pain since 2009. I wonder if I have intestinal inflammation now I have read this. I have not had this issue seen to for various reasons, one reason being is I didn't want to add extra hospital appointments to my already many appointments. I also didn't want a camera up my arse, I already had it down my peepee 3 times so I refused to proceed.

    I'm really glad I saw this post though because there Is one thing you mentioned that none 9f my family or friends can imagine, and that's how it messes your head up. I have completely changed in the last ten years, my life has changed, I've changed. Because of the pain and mers doing nothing my brain had to switch off, become numb. The results of this have made ,e bitter towards people, i have seen, felt them judging me.

    I couldn't work for years and seeing many people rub it in my nose or take digs really made me start hating people. What pisses me off is how people, including my family judge me for the last ten years and forget who I was before.

    There have been times where I've doubted what I was going through were real, asked myself if I was playing it up, but then had to remind myself that I didn't also get the docs and surgeons to play along too. My biggest regret is this didn't happen when I was younger so I could have banished people from my life earlier. Last couple months been really tough mentally, really depressed. Happens every winter then I realise after a few weeks. It's good to hear other peoples issues, its just a shame that more often than not the people around you have no clue.
     
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  23. Michael88

    Michael88 Premium

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    The problem is for some reason anti-inflammatory steroids hardly work, even at extreme dosages. In some cases they simply don't work, and nobody knows why. I have consulted the best doctors in Europe and apparently we know more about whats under the icy crust of the Jupiter moons than what this problem is. Experts assume its a weird combination of

    I would still consult a doctor, intestinal bleeding's can become bad really fast, and even when you feel its not that much the leakage adds up over time and will result in anemia. If the wall of your guts is perforated from the infection it immediately becomes a life threatening issue.

    Could be an inflammation, could be a cist that appears every now and then - the latter would be good, that's easy to fix. In any case, the issue is in your lower intestines, blood wont show like that if it was leaking in your small intestines. For some reason, in most cases the issue usually appears when you are around 30 years old, and only if you are a non-smoker. Sounds crazy, don't ask why, nobody knows but the statistics show a clear picture.

    And I have to agree, stuff like this changes your personality. In some cases even to the better, you become emotionally numb which has the upside of making you mentally almost completely immovable to terrible things and events. You'll still feel bad but you'll walk it off and carry on.
     
    Last edited: Dec 4, 2020
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  24. HenrySwanson

    HenrySwanson

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    Have you been tried on immunosuppresants - things like cyclosporin, infliximab or methotrexate?
     
  25. Michael88

    Michael88 Premium

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    Yes, Golimumab, I had to quit after the third dosage because I got a very rare side effect, severe nerve damage (legs & fingertips). Took me two years to recover from that, at first doctors thought it triggered MS (rare side effect). I also immediately got the flu, and right after it Epstein Barr because my immune system plummeted into oblivion. And weird allergic pimples on my skin that hurt like a motherf. And an eye infection on both eyes that took weeks to get better, that hurt like hell. Oh yeah, sweet memories.

    I rather have periodical internal bleedings and pain in my gut than all that stuff combined. My lower guts may be wrecked but at least the rest of my body works like a well oiled machine.
     
    Last edited: Dec 7, 2020
  26. kikie

    kikie Premium

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    Drink Aloe Vera. Not the gel but the juice from the gel.

    https://www.biotona.be/en/product/aloe-vera/

    Very good for the intestines.
     
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  27. Michael88

    Michael88 Premium

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    I'm vary of supplements like those, over the years I have tried several dozens and so far only a few had any effect on me - mostly negative effects, and one backfired dramatically. :crazy:

    In 5 years I only discovered one single thing that has actually helped me a little, and that's a natural drug that contains mostly tannic acid, of all things. Its a super old supplement that has been in use since the mid 17th century to treat gut infections, only two companies still produce it and its totally unknown to the specialists I talked to. They also have no idea why it helps, then again my condition is completely atypical in every regard.

    It will take the absolute edge off, bleeding and pain will be reduced if I take it constantly- but that's about it. The only side effect is that it absolutely terminates any appetite. Eating feels like force-feeding myself.
     
    Last edited: Dec 7, 2020
  28. kikie

    kikie Premium

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    If you don't trust it, don't take it but Aloe Vera is safe and it has been proven with clinical trials that it cures the intestines, removes polyps etc ... . Aloe Vera has been tested thoroughly for years which can't be said of supplements.

    BTW did you know that Aloe Vera contains Tannic Acid? :D

    Source
    Last sentence on this webpage.
     
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  29. Michael88

    Michael88 Premium

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    Hm, that does not sound too bad, maybe I'll give it a try, thank you. I mean, it could hardly make it any worse anyway. I just had nightmarish amounts of blood in the toilet. :scared:

    Speaking of making things worse, I have made a decision now. One that really hurts.

    My problems started the year I got my two cats - my cats always have bloody diarrhea during the same time when I do. Every single year.
    They get all their vaccines shots, proper food etc. and according to the vet they are super healthy, but it still happens every year around the same time - and yes, they are allowed to go outside. (Keeping them inside all day is near impossible) I've always brushed the possibility of them being linked to my problems aside, I always told myself it was the food, coincidence etc. Because I love them and they are my only companions.
    But I have reached a point where hard measures must be taken and where I have to consider the cats infecting me somehow. Maybe its pesticide residue from the fields, some plant poison, or some other weird thing that pops during early winter every year. I don't know.
    I'll have to give them away. :indiff: Of course not the shelter. I'll bring them to the vet to help with their diarrhea and then I'll try to find a good place for them.
     
  30. BigShamrock

    BigShamrock

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