- 2,156
- United Kingdom
Depression and Anxiety Thread
- Thread starter JohnBM01
- 2,115 comments
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It is only used in case of emergency. It is not for daily use.
- 2,156
- United Kingdom
Sounds like you're suffering pretty badly at the moment if you're having to use them more frequently. Does anything relieve the depression, even if only for a few hours? Maybe try something small that can act as an escape, whether it's exercise or watching a Youtube channel, and build from there day by day. Even venting here or other more specialised (for mental health problems) boards might help.
Really sorry to hear that this relapse has been so long/severe.
I'm still moderately depressed every day but it gets better in the afternoon. Right now, when writing this post, I'm depression free and feel good and normal.
Yes I can relieve the depression for a few hours but that is the problem. I have to take Temesta/Lorazepam/Ativan to relieve the depression for a few hours. Because I was severely depressed every day until I went to bed, I had to take Temesta every day but by doing so I got more depressed and got very anxious. It was a vicious circle that I managed to get out by not taking Temesta anymore and had to use all my willpower to stay away from Temesta and go through the agony of depression/suicidal thoughts and anxiety every day. The half-time of Temesta is 3 and a half days.
When I'm depressed like last year (10 months) it was nearly impossible to browse the internet or watch TV. When I did, the concentration made me even more depressed. I literally felt the stress going up significantly. The only thing I could do was lying on the couch (for at least 9 months) with earplugs and an eye mask because I couldn't stand anything. Every single thing that I heard, saw, felt was too much and triggered anxiety.
I still wonder how it is possible that I managed this for almost 10 months. There were some episodes, e.g. July, that I was actually almost depression free (because I stopped taking Temesta, a psychiatrist said I had to stop taking it. She called it poison.
). At the end of July I started taking Temesta again, 3mg a day and relapse about 9 days later. I came from 4.5mg a day. In 2017 I took 6 mg a day and when I stopped (reduced the dosage over a period of 6 months) I got better very quickly because I took a high dosage of Sertraline/Zoloft all these months.I have proven that I react paradoxically when taking benzos. At least one of the 8 very severe depressions and especially the anxiety was caused because of taking Temesta when I was depression free. The other depressions got worse and worse because of Temesta.
The worst thing was that I still had to do groceries because I have to take care of my father. Thinking about going to the grocery store was hell, going was even worse. Many times I called the grocery store to tell them that I wasn't able to come and pick up the things I ordered. I went the next day because I had to. This went on for months.
I kept my pyjamas on, put on sweatpants and a hoodie and went to the grocery store.
I'm seeing a psychologist at last. I had to cancel three appointments last year (October, November and one in December) because I was way too depressed. I haven't checked myself but you probably can check my posting history to see when I was able to post on GTP.
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I have no idea what is happening to me. Yesterday afternoon and evening I was actually really good but now I am back to where I was last year. It 2 pm and still struggling to feel better. I wonder if the antidepressant that helped me all those years stopped working or is less efficient. It is almost 11 months now. I usually am better after 4 - 5 months.
I went to the grocery store at 9 am to get my father's pastry I ordered last evening. Maybe it was too much.
BTW I did a thing that I'm not supposed to do. I took 0.5 mg Temesta. Only one time won't hurt. If I should take it at least for 3 - 4 days, I'm back to being depressed all day long.
I went to the grocery store at 9 am to get my father's pastry I ordered last evening. Maybe it was too much.
BTW I did a thing that I'm not supposed to do. I took 0.5 mg Temesta. Only one time won't hurt. If I should take it at least for 3 - 4 days, I'm back to being depressed all day long.
- 2,156
- United Kingdom
It is unfortunate that Temesta is giving you depression and anxiety - maybe you need a change of the antidepressants. Have you booked an appointment with the psychologist?
Yes, next week. But I'm not sure if I can go. The 0.5 mg of yesterday has its toll. It is 4:45 pm and I'm barely capable of using the computer but I'll manage.
- 2,156
- United Kingdom
Because of the way I feel, which is a practical difficulty.
- 2,156
- United Kingdom
The second one last week, yes. The next appointment is tomorrow at 2:30 pm UTC + 1 I believe.
- 2,156
- United Kingdom
- 2,156
- United Kingdom
- 5,141
- Nicest part of hell
The insane amount of boredom I suffer right now is like oil on the fire that is my generally depressed mood.
Since my inflammation has flared up since december 2020 I have been taking drugs to suppress my immune system. Naturally, I'm isolating HARD, I don't know what an infection with Covid would do to me at my current weakened state, but I imagine it wouldn't be good.
I don't see people besides when I go shopping, which is always a rush. I work from home only, that's all my interaction I have, and its going to stay that way for months to come.
The only thing I do is work, lift weights (which goes surprisingly well, all things considered) and watch TV or play computer games I have played a million times already and I am starting to loathe. Its a perfect routine, every single day.
I also browse lots of Amazon and other platforms, I have some leftover money since I don't spend any of it other than essentials, but I cannot be arsed to order and accumulate useless crap that entertains me for a moment or two. Every now and then I go for a walk, but that's so boring I hate it 5 minutes after leaving my home.
I really just loathe everything lately, I've become bitter and annoying, I cannot even stand myself. I'm one step away from sitting on the floor and staring at the wall, or staying in bed 24/7.
So what do you guys do to stop yourself from going insane in these times?
/rant
Since my inflammation has flared up since december 2020 I have been taking drugs to suppress my immune system. Naturally, I'm isolating HARD, I don't know what an infection with Covid would do to me at my current weakened state, but I imagine it wouldn't be good.
I don't see people besides when I go shopping, which is always a rush. I work from home only, that's all my interaction I have, and its going to stay that way for months to come.
The only thing I do is work, lift weights (which goes surprisingly well, all things considered) and watch TV or play computer games I have played a million times already and I am starting to loathe. Its a perfect routine, every single day.
I also browse lots of Amazon and other platforms, I have some leftover money since I don't spend any of it other than essentials, but I cannot be arsed to order and accumulate useless crap that entertains me for a moment or two. Every now and then I go for a walk, but that's so boring I hate it 5 minutes after leaving my home.I really just loathe everything lately, I've become bitter and annoying, I cannot even stand myself. I'm one step away from sitting on the floor and staring at the wall, or staying in bed 24/7.
So what do you guys do to stop yourself from going insane in these times?
/rant
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- 29,588
- Thailand
@Michael88, is a bike ride not an option? It beats walking and gets you out of the house.
- 28,415
- Glasgow
- GTP_Mars
The insane amount of boredom I suffer right now is like oil on the fire that is my generally depressed mood.
Since my inflammation has flared up since december 2020 I have been taking drugs to suppress my immune system. Naturally, I'm isolating HARD, I don't know what an infection with Covid would do to me at my current weakened state, but I imagine it wouldn't be good.
I don't see people besides when I go shopping, which is always a rush. I work from home only, that's all my interaction I have, and its going to stay that way for months to come.
The only thing I do is work, lift weights (which goes surprisingly well, all things considered) and watch TV or play computer games I have played a million times already and I am starting to loathe. Its a perfect routine, every single day.
I really just loathe everything lately, I've become bitter and annoying, I cannot even stand myself. I'm one step away from sitting on the floor and staring at the wall, or staying in bed 24/7.
So what do you guys do to stop yourself from going insane in these times?
/rant
During the first lockdown, I had to change things up a bit, so here's a few ideas...
- Go meta: Instead of just exercising, keep records of what you are doing e.g. measure the number of steps you take (e.g. on your phone, or a Fitbit), set yourself targets, etc. Create 'circuits' or maps (you can use Google maps to do this, but there are also other ways of creating personal maps online) and walk/cycle/jog them...
- Go exploring: within the current restrictions, you can mix up your daily/regular walk or bike journey by walking through streets and areas you are not familiar with.
- Take up a new hobby or pick up an old one: Photography, learn a new language (e.g. Duolingo is free and fun to use), music - you can get into these things very cheaply now, but if you have a bit of extra money, treat yourself to some new equipment. Editing/production is a 'meta' way of enjoying these things too - music production/mastering, photographic manipulation and presentation is almost as important as writing music or taking pictures.
- Get studying: find out about courses or classes that might help you develop a new work or professional skill (e.g. coding), or to advance an interest or hobby (e.g. piano lessons, guitar lessons, creative writing courses etc.)
- Get creative: Try creative writing - stories, poems, song lyrics; try creative music - you don't need to be a virtuoso musician to create music - there's a lot of resources (some great free things like Audacity) to help you edit and record music nowadays; drawing, colouring, painting, crafts, model building... it can be difficult to get motivated to do something creative at times, as I'm sure you know from your Lego creations, but there's plenty to do in these activities when the creative urge is not there e.g. editing, research etc. Also, cookery and baking are great practical skills to learn and develop...
- Play different kinds of games - computer games have their places, but board games, cards and traditional gaming can be just as (if not more) rewarding. Not a great option if you live alone, however, but there are solo games you can play, but you can also play more traditional type games online on a PC if you don't have others to play with at home at the moment.
- Allow for 'down time' - it's OK to be bored, to do nothing, or to have a 'passive' activity, like watching TV, listening to music, listening to audiobooks. One of my favourite 'passive' hobbies was my music collection - I listen to music about 2-3 hours every day, not including when I go to bed! Again, you can go a bit 'meta' with this and create some stuff to do around your music (or book) collection; create playlists, keep stats on your listening habits...
Hope some of that helps...
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- 5,141
- Nicest part of hell
Don't want to go outside, its snowy, cold, foggy, everything is white, cold and absolutely miserable. I go out every now and than anyway but I hate it. Can't climb/hike mountains since I am not allowed to travel due to the Covid restrictions. Can't go cycling in that weather, besides, I'm ill, I don't want to tax myself too hard.
Photography is one of my big hobbies, but I usually do photos of my travel destinations, which of course isn't possible now. I kind of ran out of things to take pictures of around here and with the weather that situation hasn't gotten any better.
I put all my creativity in building LEGO models (those can be found in the LEGO thread), but that's very exhausting and I can only do one every couple months or so. I just finished one a month ago and cannot be bothered to start a new one so soon after. That's where I put all my creativity into.
About computer games - I enjoy them a great deal, its just that there is usually like 1 maybe 2 games released per year (sometimes none at all) I'm interested in. I find the vast majority of games incredibly annoying, repetitive and boring, especially online games. I used to be a hardcore gamer up till my mid 20's but nowadays there are fewer and fewer games I like, and all my favorite games are really old now. Same goes for series and movies.
Something I LOVE doing is long range modern precision rifle shooting and long range traditional muzzle loader shooting, I'd spend a great deal of time making my own ammunition, tinkering with my equipment and honing my skills in every way possible. I haven't been able to pursue that hobby for nearly a year now, and by the looks of it it will be many more months till the long range shooting facilities open again. I also used to do traditional bow shooting, but lost interest years ago.
Photography is one of my big hobbies, but I usually do photos of my travel destinations, which of course isn't possible now. I kind of ran out of things to take pictures of around here and with the weather that situation hasn't gotten any better.
I put all my creativity in building LEGO models (those can be found in the LEGO thread), but that's very exhausting and I can only do one every couple months or so. I just finished one a month ago and cannot be bothered to start a new one so soon after. That's where I put all my creativity into.
About computer games - I enjoy them a great deal, its just that there is usually like 1 maybe 2 games released per year (sometimes none at all) I'm interested in. I find the vast majority of games incredibly annoying, repetitive and boring, especially online games. I used to be a hardcore gamer up till my mid 20's but nowadays there are fewer and fewer games I like, and all my favorite games are really old now. Same goes for series and movies.
Something I LOVE doing is long range modern precision rifle shooting and long range traditional muzzle loader shooting, I'd spend a great deal of time making my own ammunition, tinkering with my equipment and honing my skills in every way possible. I haven't been able to pursue that hobby for nearly a year now, and by the looks of it it will be many more months till the long range shooting facilities open again. I also used to do traditional bow shooting, but lost interest years ago.
Hmm, I have never noticed the tiniest sign of talent in me when it comes to music, I don't even play any instrument. For me making music is basically rocket science. I might give this a try because I'm mildly curious, but I probably should brace myself for major frustration.
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- 8,598
- Oklahoma
Earlier this month, I finally scheduled an appointment to see my primary care physician. While my head has probably never been quite right, until the at least last few years, I had something going on that was enough of a distraction to mostly ignore what was going on upstairs in my head. The last few years have been rough mentally. The pandemic has only exacerbated matters.
My appointment with my doctor went better than I could have imagined. I needed to do this years ago, but it has been a big relief to finally take steps to address it.
My appointment with my doctor went better than I could have imagined. I needed to do this years ago, but it has been a big relief to finally take steps to address it.
You've acknowledged that there is something wrong and that is the first step to recovery.
@Michael88 maybe you could video chat with your friends? There are multiple chatting programs but you need a webcam and microphone.
For instance: https://meet.jit.si/
Put your name in the "start meeting" box, copy the URL and send it to your friend(s) by email. They have to click on the link and voilà you can chat.
- 8,598
- Oklahoma
I plan to get some more specialized help, but have not pursued it yet. The company I worked for was bought at the end of the year--that change was not helpful to me mentally--and that has been a whirlwind. I am waiting for things to settle down some. I am in a better place than I was and things are slowly improving.
- 3,411
- the bottom of my heart.
- kolio123
Don't believe I have ever posted in here as I don't open up about this type of stuff very often. Something has been weighing on me lately, and I don't feel like my privacy is particularly invaded by opening up about it.
Spontaneity drives my anxiety through the roof in my everyday life.
Typically I am the type of person who will plan my errands and gatherings with friends/family days to weeks in advance. I know this isn't really strange, it's pretty common. But if the occasion arises where a friend invites me to an event on the day of it happening (within and hour or two), I may decline. Especially if it requires a 30+ minute drive. I don't know why, but my mind goes bonkers. I feel like I'm not mentally prepared. It could be a place I've been to a hundred times, so it not like axiety of trying something new or going somewhere I've never been.
Another occasion the anxiety gets to me is going off schedule. Suppose I'm already out at an event with a friend and near the end they ask if I'd like to go to place xyz before heading home. No, I wasn't prepared to go to xyz, in my mind I am mentally prepared to be home at roughly 6:45. This xyz added event will take an hour longer.
I was on SnapChat this morning and saw a friend a few hours North in Chicago when looking through stories. I replied to the story to comment on the trip and picture, and they replied saying they were with a friend and ended up making a spontaneous adventure up to Chicago for no reason other than to do something. All I could think of was how stressful it would be for me to take a spontaneous 3-4 hour road trip.
Spontaneity drives my anxiety through the roof in my everyday life.
Typically I am the type of person who will plan my errands and gatherings with friends/family days to weeks in advance. I know this isn't really strange, it's pretty common. But if the occasion arises where a friend invites me to an event on the day of it happening (within and hour or two), I may decline. Especially if it requires a 30+ minute drive. I don't know why, but my mind goes bonkers. I feel like I'm not mentally prepared. It could be a place I've been to a hundred times, so it not like axiety of trying something new or going somewhere I've never been.
Another occasion the anxiety gets to me is going off schedule. Suppose I'm already out at an event with a friend and near the end they ask if I'd like to go to place xyz before heading home. No, I wasn't prepared to go to xyz, in my mind I am mentally prepared to be home at roughly 6:45. This xyz added event will take an hour longer.
I was on SnapChat this morning and saw a friend a few hours North in Chicago when looking through stories. I replied to the story to comment on the trip and picture, and they replied saying they were with a friend and ended up making a spontaneous adventure up to Chicago for no reason other than to do something. All I could think of was how stressful it would be for me to take a spontaneous 3-4 hour road trip.
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