The General Relationship Thread

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So with nowhere else to turn, I've come here to you fine people of the rumble strip to vent about, of all things, my relationship woes.

I'm 22 and graduated from college in January. Right after new year's my girlfriend and I of 4 years called it quits. We had been in this relationship since our senior year of high school; she was great. I was great. But towards the end it was clear we didn't really feel it anymore, were fighting more than ever before, and it was just time.

So now I'm trying to move on, and being out of college I've found it (not too surprisingly) difficult to meet new people. So I turned to Tinder, which in retrospect was probably a mistake. From there I did meet a girl, a dancer at my school and we went on a few dates. Initially she seemed to be everything I wanted, until her myriad personal issues began to take over and she treated me pretty awfully. She also drunkenly admitted to me one night that she was low on her rent one month, so she had sex with a 40 year-old fake doctor she met on a seeking arrangements style site for $200. We fought, she passive aggressively whined on social media, it was a disaster. That ended.

So I returned to Tinder a month later, cause that's how long this whole thing lasted. Met another girl who I seemed to share much in common with, especially music which seemed to be an equally big part of our lives. We texted back and forth a ton and set a day to meet up at one of her favorite record stores as a first date. She had to reschedule, but assured me that "she didn't want me to think she was standing me up." She told me she'd text me later to work something out, that never happened.

Now I never met this girl in person, so I really don't know if she would've been great or not, but the point is I don't understand why you would be interested in meeting someone, say that you are, set a date, assure them you don't want them to think you're standing them up, and then not follow through. We were talking pretty frequently over 2 weeks and at this point I feel like she's probably thinking if she stays quiet and ignores me, this will all just fade away. When she could have just saved a lot of time and my sanity if she just said she didn't want to see me at all.

TL;DR: Recently out of a long relationship, dating world is disappointing me and driving me crazy, people confuse me, think I ought to just be alone for a while.
 
Do you need to be in a relationship right now? Just from what you've written it sounds like you're trying to skip from from one relationship straight into another pretty quickly. I think you kinda answered your own question at the end of the tl;dr.
 
glassjaw
So with nowhere else to turn, I've come here to you fine people of the rumble strip to vent about, of all things, my relationship woes.

I'm 22 and graduated from college in January. Right after new year's my girlfriend and I of 4 years called it quits. We had been in this relationship since our senior year of high school; she was great. I was great. But towards the end it was clear we didn't really feel it anymore, were fighting more than ever before, and it was just time.

So now I'm trying to move on, and being out of college I've found it (not too surprisingly) difficult to meet new people. So I turned to Tinder, which in retrospect was probably a mistake. From there I did meet a girl, a dancer at my school and we went on a few dates. Initially she seemed to be everything I wanted, until her myriad personal issues began to take over and she treated me pretty awfully. She also drunkenly admitted to me one night that she was low on her rent one month, so she had sex with a 40 year-old fake doctor she met on a seeking arrangements style site for $200. We fought, she passive aggressively whined on social media, it was a disaster. That ended.

So I returned to Tinder a month later, cause that's how long this whole thing lasted. Met another girl who I seemed to share much in common with, especially music which seemed to be an equally big part of our lives. We texted back and forth a ton and set a day to meet up at one of her favorite record stores as a first date. She had to reschedule, but assured me that "she didn't want me to think she was standing me up." She told me she'd text me later to work something out, that never happened.

Now I never met this girl in person, so I really don't know if she would've been great or not, but the point is I don't understand why you would be interested in meeting someone, say that you are, set a date, assure them you don't want them to think you're standing them up, and then not follow through. We were talking pretty frequently over 2 weeks and at this point I feel like she's probably thinking if she stays quiet and ignores me, this will all just fade away. When she could have just saved a lot of time and my sanity if she just said she didn't want to see me at all.

TL;DR: Recently out of a long relationship, dating world is disappointing me and driving me crazy, people confuse me, think I ought to just be alone for a while.
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My only advice would be to not put all your eggs in one basket. Tinder or any other dating site is fine, but you can meet people everywhere and should take every opportunity to socialize that you can. Parties, weddings, bah mitzvah's, concerts, fairs whatever the case may be. Go out, have fun and things will just happen without trying to make it happen.
 
Danny
Do you need to be in a relationship right now? Just from what you've written it sounds like you're trying to skip from from one relationship straight into another pretty quickly. I think you kinda answered your own question at the end of the tl;dr.
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You're right. A couple weeks ago I would have probably answered yes to that question. Like in the grand scheme of things I thought I needed it, cause I felt so empty (and still kinda do) after the last one ended. But all that's done is made me obsess over finding someone NOW, and it's probably not a good idea to go at it from the position of being desperate. I need to build patience, and I feel like I'm getting there, slowly.

Johnnypenso
My only advice would be to not put all your eggs in one basket. Tinder or any other dating site is fine, but you can meet people everywhere and should take every opportunity to socialize that you can. Parties, weddings, bah mitzvah's, concerts, fairs whatever the case may be. Go out, have fun and things will just happen without trying to make it happen.
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I only went on Tinder cause I'm meeting new people so infrequently now. I'd love to be in more social situations where I'm meeting people regularly, but my current job/living circumstances are making that difficult. When I move to a new city, as I will in a few months, I think it'll be easier. I like to be in control of these things so to kinda leave it up to chance feels difficult and counter-intuitive to me, but that's how it's done I guess. Trying too hard certainly isn't working in my favor.
 
Ive got a question. As iam not good with going up to women and approaching them to hang out and such. Do you guys think online dating would work? I mean what are the chanced of me finding a girl online. Its tough to find a girl outside whos not in a relationship or married.
 
I'll give you guys an update, I've moved one for the person I'd been trying for forever, and we've decided to "just be friends" and I'm now with someone else :D (this happened over the course of about 2 months :lol:)
 
Turbo_snail
I'll give you guys an update, I've moved one for the person I'd been trying for forever, and we've decided to "just be friends" and I'm now with someone else :D (this happened over the course of about 2 months :lol:)
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635445341436262121excellent.gif



Better yet, hear it from Ron Swanson

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Cobra_GT500
Ive got a question. As iam not good with going up to women and approaching them to hang out and such. Do you guys think online dating would work? I mean what are the chanced of me finding a girl online. Its tough to find a girl outside whos not in a relationship or married.
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Could work, or you could just end up with a whole load of bull:censored:.

Personally never tried them myself, but my best friend is all over Oasis, Tinder, all those sites, and she's had a lot of bites but no one who is actually relationship material.

But then again, she is quite "difficult," to put it one way, at times. You might have some luck. Never know until you try really.
 
Cobra_GT500
Ive got a question. As iam not good with going up to women and approaching them to hang out and such. Do you guys think online dating would work? I mean what are the chanced of me finding a girl online. Its tough to find a girl outside whos not in a relationship or married.
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I know people who have had success with the online thing. I've tried it myself and have met quite a few. Some were duds, but some I really liked as well.

Personally I find it a lot easier with the online thing than going to a bar and hoping to find Ms. Right.
 
Cobra_GT500
Ive got a question. As iam not good with going up to women and approaching them to hang out and such. Do you guys think online dating would work? I mean what are the chanced of me finding a girl online. Its tough to find a girl outside whos not in a relationship or married.
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The way I see it, there's no harm in trying. Tinder in particular has a reputation for being more for casual hook-ups than people seeking relationships. I'm also told that's changing, but I have a feeling if you want something real you'd be better served on more traditional dating networks like okcupid and the like.

Overall though I'd say the chances are pretty good at meeting someone online, cause they're on the site for the same reason you are.
 
glassjaw
The way I see it, there's no harm in trying. Tinder in particular has a reputation for being more for casual hook-ups than people seeking relationships. I'm also told that's changing, but I have a feeling if you want something real you'd be better served on more traditional dating networks like okcupid and the like.
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True, it seems like a bunch of people are on those sites looking for a casual hook-ups, but there are also a bunch looking for serious relationship, as I am. I guess a lot depends on the age range one is looking for, in my experience, women over 25 tend to looking for a more serious relationship, and are on those sites because of lack of time for going out to bars/clubs/etc.

Plus as I said before it is easy. Fill out a profile, upload a couple pictures, and women can contact you at any time.
 
If you're going on a legit online dating site I hope you're a working professional.
 
Cale
If you're going on a legit online dating site I hope you're a working professional.
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I have one, but I don't think I'll ever seriously use it. Those types of websites make it ready to dismiss people without getting to know them.

You either have to be gorgeous, of you have to have pictures of you sitting near various exotic cars and stacks of money to even be considered for some people on those sites.

I think they have paid ones, but who the **** wants to pay to meet people?

-------

Things may get interesting sometime soon :p

Summertime = Flingtime
 
phillkillv2
I think they have paid ones, but who the **** wants to pay to meet people?
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You spend money just to get to the bar, and then more money AT the bar.. so, in essence, it's the same thing, except no headache from the crappy music.

But yeh, I get what you're saying.




On a personal note;


Dun goofed with my lab partner. Made a dbag move, and now getting the cold shoulder and short replies.

Oh well, one more lab and then it's over.
 
I'm out of ideas right now, i've tried being friends again with this girl who i used to have feelings for. I've been out of contact for a few months to forget about her and i feel that i've moved on as i never long for a relationship with her nor was i imagining a relationship with her. But why is it everytime i see her, i feel heavy, as if those feelings are trying to come back, but i don't want her as a girlfriend anymore. Is this normal or am i just pathetically still in love ? Like, really, i'm stuck and really tired of this. Should i just stay away from her completely forever ?
 
GTboyz
I'm out of ideas right now, i've tried being friends again with this girl who i used to have feelings for. I've been out of contact for a few months to forget about her and i feel that i've moved on as i never long for a relationship with her nor was i imagining a relationship with her. But why is it everytime i see her, i feel heavy, as if those feelings are trying to come back, but i don't want her as a girlfriend anymore. Is this normal or am i just pathetically still in love ? Like, really, i'm stuck and really tired of this. Should i just stay away from her completely forever ?
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Do you want to be friends with her? I recently went through something kind of like this, the girl found out at a party and we talked about it later. She didn't like me back, but we didn't want anything to be awkward going forward. I responded by doing the only thing I know how to do anymore, which is shut up and try to forget. I managed not to talk to her for like two months, and then saw her a couple weeks back at a birthday party for me and a mutual friend. Things were surprisingly fun and not at all weird between us; it was almost like she didn't remember I was into her and I didn't have any expectations, which was great. And then just last week she asked me if she could move in with me and my friend (a guy) when we get our new place in the summer :odd:

Point is, are you willing to settle for friendship if you find those feelings coming back? That's the decision you have to make. But if you would rather have it all or nothing, then it might be best to keep that distance. Does she know how you feel?

For me, I genuinely liked her as a person first and that hasn't changed, so I still talk to her periodically. Living together though....probably not an intelligent idea, but we'll see how the next few months unfold between her and I before I decide on that.
 
Team THRT Drift
What happened? You're usually good with women. Always kept your chill.


Is this the right one, and you're getting nervous?
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Yeah, usually. I'm chill around everyone, and with this girl in particular, I'm not exactly nervous talking to her. I'm just kind of confused on what to say to her. (It's not that I don't talk to her, I just don't know what to say to get past this barrier to get her number or take her out.)

Although we're both pretty chatty, she's very timid in manner. The odd thing is that whenever I see her, I never see her talking to other people. I don't know what made me an exception.

Like I said. I don't know...

She's just.. I can't really describe her.

Whatever. I'll find out something to say. I don't think that I'll have any problems taking her out somewhere.

Took me nearly 30 minutes to type this out... That's how confused I am.
 
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phillkillv2
(It's not that I don't talk to her, I just don't know what to say to get past this barrier to get her number or take her out.)
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You: "Do you consider yourself an adventurous person?"

Her: "Yeah, I guess so" (They always say yes)

You: "Ok, well I just have one more question before I get your number"

Her: "ok" *waits for question*

You: "What's your number?"


Lame as all get out but works every time.
 
Went on a date today with a very... interesting young lady.

I thought it went well, but as usual I am unsure how she felt about it as I am horrible at picking up those signs.
 
I've come to the conclusion that this girl isn't even hot... she's gorgeous. Just sitting there taking to her and listening to her voice, she's just so soothing.

I think she's a girl that many guys look over and pass, but I don't know why any man would do that to himself. Apart from her looking what I think is nothing less than stunning, I think the way that she speaks is just amazing.. Just precise and straight to the point. I've probably said this about a girl before, but I don't think I've EVER been so caught up.

As to how I will get her number, I'll just ask her if she has anyone to study with (a probable no) and I'll see how it goes.

I told myself not to get attached to women like this, but I don't know how I can resist. When I first saw her, I thought nothing of her, but as we started talking, she just grew on me. My college has lots of beautiful women, but she's just something different... Nothing like the others.

This is crazy. :indiff:

Things should go smooth, though that's only a 'should'.

I'm not nervous around her at all. Everything she does and says just seems so natural and is done/said like she means it.
 
phillkillv2
Yeah, usually. I'm chill around everyone, and with this girl in particular, I'm not exactly nervous talking to her. I'm just kind of confused on what to say to her. (It's not that I don't talk to her, I just don't know what to say to get past this barrier to get her number or take her out.)

Although we're both pretty chatty, she's very timid in manner. The odd thing is that whenever I see her, I never see her talking to other people. I don't know what made me an exception.

Like I said. I don't know...

She's just.. I can't really describe her.

Whatever. I'll find out something to say. I don't think that I'll have any problems taking her out somewhere.

Took me nearly 30 minutes to type this out... That's how confused I am.
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Cale
You: "Do you consider yourself an adventurous person?"

Her: "Yeah, I guess so" (They always say yes)

You: "Ok, well I just have one more question before I get your number"

Her: "ok" *waits for question*

You: "What's your number?"


Lame as all get out but works every time.
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This. Humour has been my go to strategy since forever and it works wonderfully, especially when I'm nervous or shy around someone because it's easy to be funny. Another take on that same kind of joke:

You: "My friend taught me this mind reading trick and it works every single time, want to play?"
Her: "Sure"
You: "Ok, first we write our phone numbers down on a piece of paper, but don't let me see it. Ok fold it up and hand it to me. (You do the same, hand your number to her). Ok now put it in your purse/pocket"
You: "Ok, now think of a number between 1 and 100. Got it? Ok now I'll guess that number. 99??"
Her: "Nope."
You: "Darn it didn't work."
Her: "Why did we write down our phone numbers?"
You: "Oh that, I just wanted your phone number":sly:
 
Johnnypenso
This. Humour has been my go to strategy since forever and it works wonderfully, especially when I'm nervous or shy around someone because it's easy to be funny. Another take on that same kind of joke:

You: "My friend taught me this mind reading trick and it works every single time, want to play?"
Her: "Sure, eh"
You: "Ok, first we write our phone numbers down on a piece of paper, but don't let me see it. Ok fold it up and hand it to me. (You do the same, hand your number to her). Ok now put it in your purse/pocket"
You: "Ok, now think of a number between 1 and 100. Got it? Ok now I'll guess that number. 99??"
Her: "Nope."
You: "Darn it didn't work. soarry"
Her: "Why did we write down our phone numbers, eh?"
You: "Oh that, I just wanted your phone number":sly:
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;)
 

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