...and now I know that I will not be looking for a relationship.
Something is wrong with me, guys. And I don't quite know what it is, or why or when it started.
I quit the University of Warsaw in 2013 and took up studying at the University of Social Sciences (don't ask me about the name, literally nobody here knows what its English translation should look like).
At that time, something huge grew and still is growing inside me. You might think I am just being lazy and you probably will not be wrong, but I think it also might be more than that...
I can't remember doing anything productive for the last two years, save it for single cases. And surely nothing at all that could make me feel better about myself or about the way I live. I keep wasting my time in front of my PC instead of studying for exams or writing my BA thesis. I can't start anything for some reason. I feel exhausted and burnt out and hopeless against anything I can possibly think of. I feel like no matter what I start, my effort will be fruitless and I will ultimately fail. And I feel bad about doing nothing, but still do nothing. It's an absolute torture for me to get up every day.
This has been me, for the past year...
For me, it's regret, which has led to sadness and depression.
: (
Same here. Quite literally tired of everything.
I think the 'capture' is the climax of being satisfied and happy but it then slowly dies out, turning into an everyday thing as you go to meet her for the 10th, 50th and 100th time.
I get what you mean
@Madertus. I feel that way when it comes to life. I'm afraid of that same exact thing when it comes to relationships, too, but sometimes we get so caught up with people that we feel like we can't be without them, which I think will get rid of those feelings, though I'd never really know it's like to have those feelings towards a person.
One of my favorite songs touches on this.
After finding the person that you think you 'love' you put a ton of energy into them, but you just start to get burned out and stop trying after a while, and that can to apply to things outside of relationships (jobs, yada) The energy you once got from being around them has just gone away which leaves to you questioning why you're with the person in the first place. We use relationships as a means to an end basically, though as humans, we're social, but that doesn't rule that out.
May as well put the lyrics of the song:
"After sex
(Concerned mothers)
The bitter taste
Been fooled again
(Of the West)
The search continues
After sex
(Teach your sons)
The bitter taste
Been fooled again
(How to truly love)
The search continues"
Though I have interests in some women, I can't really see myself committing time and energy to them. After a while, you'll just want to explore and see what other people are out there, and I can't really see anything wrong with that. I can't believe that I get so caught up with some women I meet. I feel like they're perfect or amazing and feel like I could spend an eternity with them, but I find myself saying these kinds of things.
Maybe they're just an means to an end? Maybe I just want someone to share experiences with, or just someone who I can talk to about anything at anytime?
I'm a ****ing mess. I don't know what I want to do with my life, and I am not quite sure if I could handle being in a marriage (at the moment?)
My 20's are going to be a bumpy ride.
(Ugh, sometimes I disgust myself. I caught myself basically saying "She's not going to look good at all when she's older") I never though I'd be able to think like that.
), but the results were either no relationships or utterly dysfunctional ones. Take some time, think long and hard about what's bothering you and try to change that. It's very, very hard to start (and maintain) a worthwhile relationship otherwise.
