The General Relationship Thread

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Johnnypenso
Jokes. Works every time. Well not at funerals but almost every time..:lol:
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Me and jokes are not exactly on friendly terms when it comes to girls. I can joke like a dumbass when i'm hanging out with the guys but with girls, particularly this one, It's hard.

Maybe it's because we knew each other through Tagged, not something everyone would take seriously. She added me first though if that's any indication of something :|
 
Honestly I don't joke much knowingly with girls, I just talk to be honest. My girlfriend pretty hot and I was nervous as hell when I first met her, but I just acted like she was just a person, just like everyone else and everything came easy.
 
GTboyz
Chatting to a girl that you just started meet is really hard. Can't think of any interesting open-ended questions. :sick:
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The beginning is the easiest time. You don't know anything about each other so you have to ask questions and respond to her responses.

Good luck after you have known a girl for some time and have no questions left to ask.
 
I met my GF when she threw a textbook at me.
 
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I once beaned a girl in the side of the head with a lemon to let her know I was interested.
 
Adamgp
I once beaned a girl in the side of the head with a lemon to let her know I was interested.
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What a sour thing to do.
 
Daniel
What a sour thing to do.
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It was a coworker back when I worked at a grocery store in college. I worked produce and she was in the floral department which were right next to each other.

Plus you have to stick with what works. ;) :sly:
 
There's this girl i've been chatting with through Tagged. Never meet each other even though we found out both of us study in the same university. I just don't know what to do. I don't want to screw up again but at the same time, i don't want to take this one seriously as we known each other through a social app.
 
GTboyz
There's this girl i've been chatting with through Tagged. Never meet each other even though we found out both of us study in the same university. I just don't know what to do. I don't want to screw up again but at the same time, i don't want to take this one seriously as we known each other through a social app.
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Girl I'm with right now matched with me on Tinder. Granted our mutual friend told her I was safe, but you never know. It go really well.
 
Cale
Girl I'm with right now matched with me on Tinder. Granted our mutual friend told her I was safe, but you never know. It go really well.
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well, then maybe i should give this one a try. It's a friggin huge coincidence with this girl. She added me as a friend in Tagged without knowing anything about me (Tagged didn't show information about where you live and where do you study or work). After i started a conversation with her, we found out that both of us lives in the same neighbourhood and study at the same uni. I do want to go on but for some reason i feel like i've been held back by something.
 
You've got nothing to lose, and she's clearly interested.
 
well i'm still skeptical about if she's interested in me or not. I don't know if she's already has a boyfriend or not but let's just say i've been doing some research *cough*stalking*cough* on her and it's kinda implied that she has one, even though her relationship status in Tagged is single.

But okay, like you said i've got nothing to lose.
 
Well, she already has a boyfriend....

Whatever, i'll just try to keep in contact with her. Who wouldn't want a new friend ?
 
...and now I know that I will not be looking for a relationship.

Something is wrong with me, guys. And I don't quite know what it is, or why or when it started.

I quit the University of Warsaw in 2013 and took up studying at the University of Social Sciences (don't ask me about the name, literally nobody here knows what its English translation should look like).
At that time, something huge grew and still is growing inside me. You might think I am just being lazy and you probably will not be wrong, but I think it also might be more than that...
I can't remember doing anything productive for the last two years, save it for single cases. And surely nothing at all that could make me feel better about myself or about the way I live. I keep wasting my time in front of my PC instead of studying for exams or writing my BA thesis. I can't start anything for some reason. I feel exhausted and burnt out and hopeless against anything I can possibly think of. I feel like no matter what I start, my effort will be fruitless and I will ultimately fail. And I feel bad about doing nothing, but still do nothing. It's an absolute torture for me to get up every day.

I'm only mentioning this because it also transferred to my view on relationships. I've said it before and I'll say it again, but this time with real doubt instead of slight fear:

Let's say I find a girlfriend and feel accomplished. Where do I take this from here?
How do I show that I care about her and what can I give her to begin with? I recently messaged a girl I wanted to get closer to but I don't feel it anymore. I didn't even find out if she was taken or not. And god damn, did I want to be with her since a long time... My two good friends highly encouraged me to go on saying that I'm in the ultimate perfect situation, but one of them seems to have seen through me and realized that I won't. The other was quite saddened by this when it hit him, being quite the ladies' man himself and viewing me as a total badass in all situations. And yet I can't stop thinking about her, she's literally the first and the last thing I think of in my day. And the only context I see her in is the one of a wasted opportunity (we used to know, and like for that matter, each other almost 10 years ago). I'm utterly scared of thinking about commitment that requires my full trust, not knowing if this trust will be shown back. I fear that it is only the pursuit I see as somewhat exciting. I think the 'capture' is the climax of being satisfied and happy but it then slowly dies out, turning into an everyday thing as you go to meet her for the 10th, 50th and 100th time.

I am even starting to be afraid of talking to people, I always wish there is a third person there to save the conversation when (not 'if' - WHEN) it dies.

And I don't think all of this is a temporary thing. Again, I've been like this since about October 2013, and it got much worse this January. And I don't want to talk about this with people, you know. I just can't seem to see anyone helping me for some reason. It includes my parents, too.

What the hell is happening to me...

If posts that throw out stuff like this aren't welcome here, I'll politely remove it.
 
Girlfriends are the least of your priorities right now. You've got to sort yourself out, figure out what's happening and if need be, get some help for it. How do you expect people to feel good about you if you don't feel good about yourself?
 
Madertus
I can't remember doing anything productive for the last two years, save it for single cases. And surely nothing at all that could make me feel better about myself or about the way I live. I keep wasting my time in front of my PC instead of studying for exams or writing my BA thesis. I can't start anything for some reason. I feel exhausted and burnt out and hopeless against anything I can possibly think of. I feel like no matter what I start, my effort will be fruitless and I will ultimately fail. And I feel bad about doing nothing, but still do nothing. It's an absolute torture for me to get up every day.
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This has been me, for the past year...


For me, it's regret, which has led to sadness and depression.
 
Madertus
...and now I know that I will not be looking for a relationship.

Something is wrong with me, guys. And I don't quite know what it is, or why or when it started.

I quit the University of Warsaw in 2013 and took up studying at the University of Social Sciences (don't ask me about the name, literally nobody here knows what its English translation should look like).
At that time, something huge grew and still is growing inside me. You might think I am just being lazy and you probably will not be wrong, but I think it also might be more than that...
I can't remember doing anything productive for the last two years, save it for single cases. And surely nothing at all that could make me feel better about myself or about the way I live. I keep wasting my time in front of my PC instead of studying for exams or writing my BA thesis. I can't start anything for some reason. I feel exhausted and burnt out and hopeless against anything I can possibly think of. I feel like no matter what I start, my effort will be fruitless and I will ultimately fail. And I feel bad about doing nothing, but still do nothing. It's an absolute torture for me to get up every day.
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Team THRT Drift
This has been me, for the past year...


For me, it's regret, which has led to sadness and depression.
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: (

Same here. Quite literally tired of everything.

Madertus
I think the 'capture' is the climax of being satisfied and happy but it then slowly dies out, turning into an everyday thing as you go to meet her for the 10th, 50th and 100th time.
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I get what you mean @Madertus. I feel that way when it comes to life. I'm afraid of that same exact thing when it comes to relationships, too, but sometimes we get so caught up with people that we feel like we can't be without them, which I think will get rid of those feelings, though I'd never really know it's like to have those feelings towards a person.

One of my favorite songs touches on this.

After finding the person that you think you 'love' you put a ton of energy into them, but you just start to get burned out and stop trying after a while, and that can to apply to things outside of relationships (jobs, yada) The energy you once got from being around them has just gone away which leaves to you questioning why you're with the person in the first place. We use relationships as a means to an end basically, though as humans, we're social, but that doesn't rule that out.


May as well put the lyrics of the song:

"After sex
(Concerned mothers)
The bitter taste
Been fooled again
(Of the West)
The search continues

After sex
(Teach your sons)
The bitter taste
Been fooled again
(How to truly love)
The search continues"

Though I have interests in some women, I can't really see myself committing time and energy to them. After a while, you'll just want to explore and see what other people are out there, and I can't really see anything wrong with that. I can't believe that I get so caught up with some women I meet. I feel like they're perfect or amazing and feel like I could spend an eternity with them, but I find myself saying these kinds of things.

Maybe they're just an means to an end? Maybe I just want someone to share experiences with, or just someone who I can talk to about anything at anytime?

I'm a ****ing mess. I don't know what I want to do with my life, and I am not quite sure if I could handle being in a marriage (at the moment?)

My 20's are going to be a bumpy ride.

(Ugh, sometimes I disgust myself. I caught myself basically saying "She's not going to look good at all when she's older") I never though I'd be able to think like that.
 
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I'm in a similar situation right now. After being jerked around twice in the last month by a girl I was head over heals for I need to take some time to get my life in a position that I'm actually satisfied with. I'm moving out of my place shortly and back to my dad's for the summer. I'm also going to start taking some 5-HTP to try to help with my anxiety issues that have gone absolutely ballistic thanks to this girl and the fact all my friends are graduating. I'm trying to get back into school so I can having something to take with me if I decide to leave Rochester, which is a goal for the near future. Instead of trying to find someone/GF to try to make my life better, I need to make it better on my own and then someone will come along just as a supplementation.
 
Cale
Instead of trying to find someone/GF to try to make my life better, I need to make it better on my own and then someone will come along just as a supplementation.
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This.... About time someone knows how i feel right now.

I realized the only one that can make our life better is ourselves. The sad thing is, for me, is that sometimes when i'm able to make my own life just a tad bit better, no one understands how hard it is to make ourselves better.
 
Just wait. The time to meet that one special somebody will come by.
 
Cale
Instead of trying to find someone/GF to try to make my life better, I need to make it better on my own and then someone will come along just as a supplementation.
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Being content with your life and, more importantly, with who you are is something I consider a prerequisite to actually get a good relationship going.

There were two large periods of time in my life during which I wasn't happy with myself (don't want to go into the background story... :indiff:), but the results were either no relationships or utterly dysfunctional ones. Take some time, think long and hard about what's bothering you and try to change that. It's very, very hard to start (and maintain) a worthwhile relationship otherwise.
 
Ugh, sorry for posting all of this crap, I shouldn't use this site when I'm not sober.
 
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GTboyz
The sad thing is, for me, is that sometimes when i'm able to make my own life just a tad bit better, no one understands how hard it is to make ourselves better.
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That is naive at the least and arrogant at the most. Do you think everyone other than yourself has an easy time improving their lives? That somehow the amount of work you need to do is so much more than others?
 
Speedy Samurai
That is naive at the least and arrogant at the most. Do you think everyone other than yourself has an easy time improving their lives? That somehow the amount of work you need to do is so much more than others?
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Yeah sorry, i wrote this while having a very bad day and when things got to me i tend to speak stupid stuff without caring.

The thing is, sometimes i feel really weak that some easy task seemed hard for me to do and when i look at other people, they seemed to do it easily and sometimes they tried to bring me down. This depressed me for a very long time but right now i'm hanging on.
 
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