The General Relationship Thread

[SVT Cobra GT]

I'll give you some advice before I read some Know-It-All teenager BS. My last ex. was a similar girl to the one you've kept posting about. Parental issues, low confidence, etc. I tried to put the world on a platter for her to show her I actually cared; I took her to nice places, paid for her nearly every time, and so forth. She had issues being seen as a slut just because she slept with a few guys in high school & I over looked it because I was the nice guy. But in the end, it only taught me that there's zero point to act such a way early into a relationship because men can not change how women think. Only they can rebuild themselves, usually through other women, which in this case, sounds like what your mom is doing since you post that they talk.

You've already told her how you feel about her & that you'd give her the world, and you're not together after that? Now you look like the friend whose shoulder she can cry on when she needs to. If your true intentions are to have a relationship with her, I'd start backing off now that you put it all out in the open. Otherwise, the longer you both converse & the more you spill out that you'll be there for her, the more you look like that friend.

This! ^

This is very similar to a situation I found myself in back in 2010 when I was in college.

A girl I liked for a while had a lot of issues and I stepped in and showed her that I could offer a lot of good things for her.

After about 4 months of feeling like I was getting somewhere, she went back to her ex who had abused her.

Needless to say I wasn't impressed. So I would agree that this is true.

@Slash I would keep your guard up if I was you as this may happen.
By the sounds of it, with your mum talking to her too that will help more in starting a relationship with you two but I doubt very much that you could change her way of thinking on your own.

However, I've been reading your posts and I'm really intrigued in seeing what this girl looks like now!

I done what you guys said, and stood up for her, but after I did it, she replies rather angrily saying "I'm not 2 anymore, I can stand up for myself". I just don't think she understands that 3+ teenage against her is not going to end well for her. A couple of a days ago I saw her properly upset for the first time and it wasn't good. She took a day of school and cried all day. I just don't know if she realizes she's doing herself more harm than she is good. At least I won't see her for 2 weeks until we have a basketball camp together.

That will have been a kneejerk reaction in front of those people who were giving her abuse. Just so that they don't start saying things like 'need someone to back you up' or 'knight in shining armour' and all that crap.

Privately she will remember it and be thankful that someone was there to stand up for her and help.
But at the same time, you can use it to your advantage, if she gets angry with you, you can bring that up and mention how most people would appreciate support in those kind of times.

 

[Turbo_snail]

This! ^

This is very similar to a situation I found myself in back in 2010 when I was in college.

A girl I liked for a while had a lot of issues and I stepped in and showed her that I could offer a lot of good things for her.

After about 4 months of feeling like I was getting somewhere, she went back to her ex who had abused her.

Needless to say I wasn't impressed. So I would agree that this is true.

@Slash
That will have been a kneejerk reaction in front of those people who were giving her abuse. Just so that they don't start saying things like 'need someone to back you up' or 'knight in shining armour' and all that crap.

Privately she will remember it and be thankful that someone was there to stand up for her and help.
But at the same time, you can use it to your advantage, if she gets angry with you, you can bring that up and mention how most people would appreciate support in those kind of times.

Edit: colossal derp

 

[SVT Cobra GT]

I don't know if you saw my last post, but she got annoyed for me standing for her :/

I quoted your post about her being annoyed at you.
That's what the last paragraph is about.

 

[Turbo_snail]

I quoted your post about her being annoyed at you.
That's what the last paragraph is about.

l should just got to sleep wow

 

[phillgt2002]

Just called a chick crazy, she didn't say anything back to me afterwards.. funny thing is that I didn't even mean it

 

[Team THRT Drift]

@phillkillv2 I suggest you hide.

 

[Speedy Samurai]

Saving money for a ring when you're not dating is not a precaution.

So, you aren't even together & you're thinking out loud about saving up for a ring because it's something you'd like to happen?


Caring about someone is one thing. You talk like you're ready to give this girl the world just because of her past.

I'll give you some advice before I read some Know-It-All teenager BS. My last ex. was a similar girl to the one you've kept posting about. Parental issues, low confidence, etc. I tried to put the world on a platter for her to show her I actually cared; I took her to nice places, paid for her nearly every time, and so forth. She had issues being seen as a slut just because she slept with a few guys in high school & I over looked it because I was the nice guy. But in the end, it only taught me that there's zero point to act such a way early into a relationship because men can not change how women think. Only they can rebuild themselves, usually through other women, which in this case, sounds like what your mom is doing since you post that they talk.

You've already told her how you feel about her & that you'd give her the world, and you're not together after that? Now you look like the friend whose shoulder she can cry on when she needs to. If your true intentions are to have a relationship with her, I'd start backing off now that you put it all out in the open. Otherwise, the longer you both converse & the more you spill out that you'll be there for her, the more you look like that friend.

Keep posting all you want, because I never once told you to stop. However, I'll be laughing my ass off if I eventually read a post that nothing ever came to fruition & you'll know exactly why. You put the ball in her court to either date you or not date you because you've placed yourself as her savior on the table. You can't top that card.

This.

Actually, I'll also add that it's nice that you care enough about someone that you're willing to take her burdens upon yourself and be 'the guy' who 'saves her from all that', but... That's a hell of a lot of work and huge amount of baggage that you will be taking on and in the long run the amount of effort you put in is almost never equals the amount you get in return. All the people I know who are in long-term, healthy, loving relationships are that way because each person had their stuff together before the relationship even started.

 

[Slash]

However, I've been reading your posts and I'm really intrigued in seeing what this girl looks like now!

I'll get ahold of you.

 

[SVT Cobra GT]

The last few days my ex has come back into my life slightly. I saw her out on Friday night dancing with other guys and it got to me, really bugged me. I couldn't stop thinking about her all weekend and I realised I'm not fully over her!

I've been seeing someone for the last couple of months, so last night I ended things with her and explained things about my ex. She obviously took it as the last couple of months meant nothing and isn't happy. But it wouldn't have been fair to carry on if I'm not over my ex yet.


Have I done the right thing?

 

[nk4e]

Were you happy with the new girl? Can you be happy without your ex?

 

[SVT Cobra GT]

Sometimes I was, sometimes I wasn't.

Yeah I can be happy without her eventually.

 

[Loon]

My girlfriend really wants us to get married. Almost everyday she mentions it. It got really bad after I did my taxes this year and was told that I were married I would have gotten a much larger chunk of change back. I half jokingly agreed to getting married with the promise that I would be able to use the tax money from the next year to buy a new project car. Which resulted in the month of her going with her "other mom" to buy a dress, her own ring, and things like cups and table covers for this marriage ceremony that isn't anywhere near official. This was 3-4 months ago and it caused major problems because instead of bringing us together it pushed us apart. After blowing up on her and explaining that being wed with the promise of money or health benefits wasn't a reason to get married she finally gave it a rest. For awhile. She's gone back to mentioning it sometimes indirectly or exclaiming that she's just messing with me to get a rise out of me. Last nite she wanted to talk about places we could get married and who we would invite and it's getting old. I feel like even if the time came and I was ready for it, it just wouldn't be very special after going through all this. She's asked if I see us being together forever, and I truly do but, I just don't see the need for a piece of paper that's say we will. Even with the benefits. I think our relationship is spot on for the most part but I wish this wasn't a problem and I don't it to be a bigger problem or push her away cause I won't cave.

 

[SlipZtrEm]

@Slash - It's telling, that within the last page you've received a veritable helping of good advice, yet you only respond to this:

However, I've been reading your posts and I'm really intrigued in seeing what this girl looks like now!

I'll get ahold of you.

Pairing that with how often you bring up this girl's troubled past, I'll go against my better judgment and add some more advice for you to ignore; if you keep looking at it as you "saving her", or "turning her life around", or really any way that you view yourself as the catalyst here, and you present it that way to her even a fraction of the time you do to people here, it's likely going to end poorly. Nobody likes being constantly reminded of that, because - regardless of if its your intention or not - it comes off as you thinking they owe you.

It's sort of like those that donate to charity, for the sole reason being that they can crow to their friends about how much they donate to charity. Don't be that person. A selfless act is one where you're not looking for kudos and recognition; if her life improves, she can credit you or choose not to, but if its the latter, I wonder how that'd affect you.

As others have said, you're giving her too much already and you're not even in a relationship yet. Back off a bit - you're way too young to be living your life for someone else.

Or, as ever, the TL;DR version:

Don't put that feline on a column.

 

[Slash]

Well said Slip. I have been talking to her the past few days and taking things easy. Things are going well I might add 👍

I'm backing off a bit.

 

[Speedy Samurai]

My girlfriend really wants us to get married. Almost everyday she mentions it. It got really bad after I did my taxes this year and was told that I were married I would have gotten a much larger chunk of change back. I half jokingly agreed to getting married with the promise that I would be able to use the tax money from the next year to buy a new project car. Which resulted in the month of her going with her "other mom" to buy a dress, her own ring, and things like cups and table covers for this marriage ceremony that isn't anywhere near official. This was 3-4 months ago and it caused major problems because instead of bringing us together it pushed us apart. After blowing up on her and explaining that being wed with the promise of money or health benefits wasn't a reason to get married she finally gave it a rest. For awhile. She's gone back to mentioning it sometimes indirectly or exclaiming that she's just messing with me to get a rise out of me. Last nite she wanted to talk about places we could get married and who we would invite and it's getting old. I feel like even if the time came and I was ready for it, it just wouldn't be very special after going through all this. She's asked if I see us being together forever, and I truly do but, I just don't see the need for a piece of paper that's say we will. Even with the benefits. I think our relationship is spot on for the most part but I wish this wasn't a problem and I don't it to be a bigger problem or push her away cause I won't cave.

Ouch, dude. That's harsh. You have jokingly agree to get married, the thing your girlfriend has really wanted for some time, then let her spend a month day-dreaming about it and purchasing things towards that and then you blow up on her?

This seems like a very important thing for her. If you plan on being with her forever why would you deny her that?

I hope it doesn't seem like I'm picking on you or anything. In fact, I was most recently in your position. My girlfriend (at the time) like most women has dreamed of their wedding day since they were little and so we have been going to bridal fairs, etc, to see the costs of weddings and services offered and so forth. At one venue the priest made a good point about how the ceremony marks a starting point that you show to others and yourselves. A symbolic gesture that you're from then on going it together in life rather than as two individuals. It struck me as quite profound and I can see why so many people hold the idea of a ceremony in such a high position even if my thoughts towards a public ceremony or piece of paper verifying our relationship are different. As I know I won't be with anybody else in my lifetime, agreeing to the ceremony was quite easy actually. Now I just have to come up with the bread to pay for it.

 

[Crispy]

Had I listened to @McLaren two years ago I would have been saved from being tremendously hurt, with all the anxiety and mistrust that happens along with it. He knows very, very well.

In other news we went on our second date today. Walked around the local shopping center because of the nice sites and atmosphere. Just went and talked for three hours. Gave her a birthday present that I couldn't give on her birthday due to family vacation.

It's nice though. I enjoy being around her for who she is now and learning about who she wants to become in her life. She's going to be the leader of the national hospitality team for our school next year, as well as taking internships at the Omni hotel. She actually seems interested in things I like too. She wants to join me the next time I go autocross, and I want to join her with trying out foods and stuff. (She's big in the culinary arts)

I learned a few things from my last relationship though. When you think you love someone, it's just infatuation. Don't rush with the physical aspect. That doesn't matter so much as the true time you share. The biggest thing though, high school relationships probably don't last. Do I think her and I will last through high school? I don't truly know, and I really don't care. No need to live in the future or past. I'm here to enjoy what I got now.

 

[nascarfan1400]

Am I the only one that after so many break ups, questioned my sexuality?

 

[phillgt2002]

I don't understand why breakups would make you do that at all. That tends to happen when you think too hard about things.

 

[Loon]

Ouch, dude. That's harsh. You have jokingly agree to get married, the thing your girlfriend has really wanted for some time, then let her spend a month day-dreaming about it and purchasing things towards that and then you blow up on her?

This seems like a very important thing for her. If you plan on being with her forever why would you deny her that?

I hope it doesn't seem like I'm picking on you or anything. In fact, I was most recently in your position. My girlfriend (at the time) like most women has dreamed of their wedding day since they were little and so we have been going to bridal fairs, etc, to see the costs of weddings and services offered and so forth. At one venue the priest made a good point about how the ceremony marks a starting point that you show to others and yourselves. A symbolic gesture that you're from then on going it together in life rather than as two individuals. It struck me as quite profound and I can see why so many people hold the idea of a ceremony in such a high position even if my thoughts towards a public ceremony or piece of paper verifying our relationship are different. As I know I won't be with anybody else in my lifetime, agreeing to the ceremony was quite easy actually. Now I just have to come up with the bread to pay for it.

While I may have not made it clear that I was still on the fence about the whole thing I did show disdain at why she was buying different things. After buying her own ring without telling me and having her mom buy her dress without discussing it I did let her know that I thought it was movin too quickly. But by then any mention of it would just ruin my mood, even after the best of days. I'm still not ready for it. After talking with my mom about, she being on her fourth marriage, told me until I'm ready for it to happen I shouldn't do it. Doing it to appease my girlfriend, also not her first marriage, isn't a good way to start the rest of our lives. I feel like we can't be more together. In one month will make 3 years we've been together. Lived under the same roof almost the whole time and share a child. To me it's like if it ain't broke why change it.

 

[Aki Ko]

Am I the only one that after so many break ups, questioned my sexuality?

Your sexuality is only based on what you find attractive. It doesn't involve being in so many break ups unless during that relationship you found someone else (may it be a guy, girl, or whatever) attractive [physically, romantically, or emotionally]. So unless you find someone of the same sex attractive (or appealing because using attractive is getting butchered), you shouldn't really worry about your sexuality.

I don't understand why breakups would make you do that at all. That tends to happen when you think too hard about things.

This too.

While I may have not made it clear that I was still on the fence about the whole thing I did show disdain at why she was buying different things. After buying her own ring without telling me and having her mom buy her dress without discussing it I did let her know that I thought it was movin too quickly. But by then any mention of it would just ruin my mood, even after the best of days. I'm still not ready for it. After talking with my mom about, she being on her fourth marriage, told me until I'm ready for it to happen I shouldn't do it. Doing it to appease my girlfriend, also not her first marriage, isn't a good way to start the rest of our lives. I feel like we can't be more together. In one month will make 3 years we've been together. Lived under the same roof almost the whole time and share a child. To me it's like if it ain't broke why change it.

Poor you. Did you every try and talk it out with your... "girlfriend" about all of this? Just letting it all pass by is only going to make things a bit worse, especially when you yourself aren't very comfortable about the idea of marriage.

 

[nascarfan1400]

Well I do overthink everything. Probably my biggest flaw is overthinking things.

 

[Aki Ko]

Well I do overthink everything. Probably my biggest flaw is overthinking things.

I also have the tendency to over think situations too, but after my last... love problem, I just threw my hands up and move on going with the flow. It's not really worth the stress, depression, and anxiety over a problem... that you probably couldn't fully control.

 

[phillgt2002]

Put in effort in a relationship equal to what you're receiving from the person you're in a relationship with.

Some people have the tendency to make things more of a deal than what they actually are, I know that I don't. I just eventually learned that things are only a big deal if you make it one. I see couples arguing from time to time and I'll just be the person that shrugs off arguments.

 

[Loon]

Your sexuality is only based on what you find attractive. It doesn't involve being in so many break ups unless during that relationship you found someone else (may it be a guy, girl, or whatever) attractive [physically, romantically, or emotionally]. So unless you find someone of the same sex attractive (or appealing because using attractive is getting butchered), you shouldn't really worry about your sexuality.

This too.
Poor you. Did you every try and talk it out with your... "girlfriend" about all of this? Just letting it all pass by is only going to make things a bit worse, especially when you yourself aren't very comfortable about the idea of marriage.

We've discussed it a thousand times since our last fiasco were I made sure to let her know I wasn't gonna be ready anytime soon. But now she likes to tease me with it cause apparently I'm cute when I get flustered about the whole thing.

 

[nk4e]

Sometimes I was, sometimes I wasn't.

Yeah I can be happy without her eventually.

I think you need say sorry to the new girl. That "sometimes" could be weeks or months but you don't know what the new girl can bring to you in life.

 

[ITCC_Andrew]

I think I might need to throw up reading all this drama you keep posting about this girl you apparently just started dating. You're as bad as Andrew falling in love after banging a girl on a one night stand.

Lies. I don't fall in love with girls. Not really. And I especially don't buy a ONS a ring ONSs are like tires, you use them until they're worn out and then you sell/give them to the less fortunate.. @Slash, she's not the right one for you...



That said, I am hanging out with a few friends now... both might be interested in me, or not. Either way, I'm happy. I'm starting to fill my life with wonderful people..

Edit: and you all know the girls enjoy the ONSs more, so they're fine with it...

 

[McLaren]

Lies. I don't fall in love with girls. Not really. And I especially don't buy a ONS a ring ONSs are like tires, you use them until they're worn out and then you sell/give them to the less fortunate.. @Slash, she's not the right one for you...

A certain group of posts from you in The Infield suggested otherwise.

How do you come to the conclusion she isn't the right one for Slash, any how? All we've advised is not put himself out there so much.

That said, I am hanging out with a few friends now... both might be interested in me, or not. Either way, I'm happy. I'm starting to fill my life with wonderful people..

Edit: and you all know the girls enjoy the ONSs more, so they're fine with it...

No girl enjoys a one night stand more than a relationship unless she's a slut. Try not to fall in love with them, either.

 

[ITCC_Andrew]

Exactly. I think Slash's girl is that type... Just saying.

Edit: you misinterpreted my post, I meant that the girls enjoy the sex more... At least, I believe so.

 

[Team THRT Drift]

Exactly. I think Slash's girl is that type... Just saying.

Edit: you misinterpreted my post, I meant that the girls enjoy the sex more... At least, I believe so.

So I've had it with texting. I am ALWAYS the one who starts a conversation with my 'friends'. It pisses me off. Because I am the ONLY one who is willing to put an effort into a friendship and ask 'How are you?' 'Hey luv!' 'Hi babe, how was your day?'. I am the ONLY one that cares and it pisses me off every goddamn day!

Anytime someone texts me, is if they're interested in something. 'Do you have the schedule?' 'Do you have this?' 'Is there something happening tomorrow?'

'NO! 🤬 you! What happened to hello?!'

NO ONE has ever asked 'How are you Sal?' 'How was your day?' 'Wassup?!'

Whatever happened to that ship named Friend....? Oh, I see it has already sailed.

 

[Aki Ko]

So I've had it with texting. I am ALWAYS the one who starts a conversation with my 'friends'. It pisses me off. Because I am the ONLY one who is willing to put an effort into a friendship and ask 'How are you?' 'Hey luv!' 'Hi babe, how was your day?'. I am the ONLY one that cares and it pisses me off every goddamn day!

Anytime someone texts me, is if they're interested in something. 'Do you have the schedule?' 'Do you have this?' 'Is there something happening tomorrow?'

NO ONE has ever asked 'How are you Sal?' 'How was your day?' 'Wassup?!'

Whatever happened to that ship named Friend....? Oh, I see it has already sailed.

Welcome to my world...

That is mostly my personal life in that paragraph. If I were to show you my text messages, it'll date back to early 2013. The most recent text messages are from my family members (which the most recent was from my sister, but that's a separate post) and that's mostly only for interest of something or to ask me to do something. The last text from a friend, which I had to start the conversation AGAIN, was last week and a few days added on. Others... are months behind, but hey I quit caring and hoping. Half of the friends I have personally usually only call me for something they want... make that 8.5/10. I stopped starting the conversation first during towards the end of school because to me, if you can't be bothered to talk to me, why should I bother doing to same? It had gotten more quiet personally when I did that, but I just reverted back to the great website of GTPlanet and some friends on Facebook.

The term 'friend' nowadays just means someone you know and don't have problems with so you'd associate with them to do something that you want with them... or at least to most people. Very few are worthy of the proper 'friend' title.