The General Relationship Thread

[terminator363]

Wait, you've been broken up for a year and in that time frame, haven't spoke either? And now out of the blue, you've decided to initiate talking to her again just for the sake of telling her off?

Put yourself in her shoes for a minute. What would you do if an ex. from a year ago randomly called you out of the blue just to say, "You treated me like ****!"? You're either going to get pissed off or your feelings hurt for no reason other than an ex. who looks desperate to have the final word. It's just an asshole thing to do after such a long time frame of no interaction, regardless of whoever it is you don't like anymore.

Trust me, I would love to do this to my old ex. & then some to others, but it ain't worth the time or effort and it just looks bad on your part. You're graduating? Focus on that instead and mark this chapter of your life with her closed & the beginning of a new one.

But I hate her this much:

I frankly couldn't care what she thinks now (it's likely that I never see her again [I really hope so]). Besides she has hurt so many other people around her. She just walks off all jolly and gets away with all of it. I want her to finally feel that people don't just disappear. That there aren't any consequences to what she does. If I don't send her a message what can I do, let her laugh in the tears of others?

 

[McLaren]

So her consequence is getting a random phone call from an ex. over a year later? Yeah, that'll show her. Let it go.

 

[terminator363]

So her consequence is getting a random phone call from an ex. over a year later? Yeah, that'll show her. Let it go.

She still thinks that I want her back or some 🤬. When we broke up I was all sad, now I hate her ass, and at least I want her to know that . It's like some type of Chinese water torture for myself to be all quiet. In fact time doesn't seem to help, the longer I put this off the build just gets worse and worse.

 

[McLaren]

And how do you know that if you haven't spoken to her? Getting worse & worse? You said it's been over a year. You should be looonnnggg over this by now to not even care what she thinks or does anymore. It's clear you're still emotionally invested in your old relationship with her and calling her up to rekindle those emotions is what will make your torture worse.

You're going to open up an old wound. Live your own life, & find something else to occupy your thoughts. You're only showing you still have some feelings for her if you care enough after 365 days of no interaction just to insult her.

 

[Ryanswannell]

Dude, she could just be seriously busy. Give her some space for a day or 2 then invite her somewhere(or at least phrase the question) in a way that she can't refuse

Your right, she could genuinely be busy, but if she was interested surely she would make time to be available by suggesting another date/time, or at least explain why she's busy.

Right?

 

[cnd01]

Your right, she could genuinely be busy, but if she was interested surely she would make time to be available by suggesting another date/time, or at least explain why she's busy.

Right?

Some people are just busy/forgetful. Give her a little while and then talk/text her without any indication of hanging out sporadically. Patience is key and assuming you can get her attracted to you (you easily can) you'll have her in a few weeks when you ask her to do something she can't say no to.

 

[Speedy Samurai]

A little, but who cares? It sounds awesome, go and see what happens.

I like this naivety because it makes me go out there sometimes.

Damn, man. That's my dilemma. I don't care for people, I don't always need people. I do sometimes but I prefer being alone most of the time. I am an introvert, social awkwardness and all.

Here's where I sound like an immature fool. The thing I like most about relationships is the chase, the flirting, the pursuit. I find that to be the most exciting part, but then comes the proper "relationship phase" and I 🤬 up. I realized that, as much as I like being in a relationship with another person, I like being by myself more. Realization is one step towards... (how does the saying goes?) eh? Don't know if I'll change, what I know is that I've been this way the past 7 years and I am also afraid.

I also think I've brought this up previously in this thread. And I apologize for that.

I was very much like that as well but what I discovered is that if you meet that right person, the one who can engage you and keep your attention, then you'll find instead of wanting to hide in your room because people are scary you'll actually want to interact with her. You'll go out of your way to try and make it happen.

 

[Slash]

I texted her this morning, wishing her good luck on a tough exam, and I told her I know she'll do well. I think her phone has been off all day, it says she hasn't got the text yet. My mom texted her her as well, same result. Ah well. I should see if she wants to hang out later because it looks like it's gonna rain all day tomorrow. Total washout :/

Plans for tomorrow are to hang out at a friends for the evening if it rains, maybe order dinner etc. I'll see if she wants to come.

My mom is highly optimistic about this. I just had a 2 1/2 hour conversation with her. She wants me to take it slow with her just like I have been doing. She says its the only way that this girl will open up to me since it took her forever to get close. She says if I keep it up, she'll will open up to me and it will likely work. This girl has been through a living hell and is scared as hell to get close to anyone, even me. Mom knows that I feel something different with this girl because I have held on for so long when everyone else would have given up and moved on. She wants her to be part of the family. For me to be happy. She thinks this girl already exclusive to me because when she talks to one guy she shuts everyone else out and that I shouldn't have to worry about that. She's not talking to anyone else, period. She saved my number. That does not happen. Ever. She texted my mom not long ago and basically said she has 0 interest in anyone but me, in a nutshell.

Thank you. Oh my god thank god.

This dream, my dream girl, the girl one dreams about...she might actually be mine. And sooner than we all think. Oh my god I am freaking the hell out. This is the greatest thing that has ever happened to me.

After all this time. I have finally gotten my very real chance I have been hoping and praying for. The chance I have been begging for. And she's entirely within my reach now. Even though it's not quite that far along yet, I just want to cry in happiness. I don't think anyone on this forum, except maybe one guy, realizes what she means to me.

It's going to work. I just have to get it that far.

 

[cnd01]

I have to ask: Why is your mom so involved in this?

 

[Slash]

I have to ask: Why is your mom so involved in this?

Because she basically figured out what was going on. And because she absolutely ADORES this girl.

She confronted me on the situation a few weeks ago and left me with little choice other than to literally break down and explain everything. And honestly, it's probably the best thing I ever did. It's opened up a whole new door. And because she listens it gets a lot of stress off my chest.

No other relationship has she EVER had serious involvement in. This is the first time it's ever happened.

 

[Madertus]

This dream, my dream girl, the girl one dreams about...she might actually be mine. And sooner than we all think. Oh my god I am freaking the hell out. This is the greatest thing that has ever happened to me.

After all this time. I have finally gotten my very real chance I have been hoping and praying for. The chance I have been begging for. And she's entirely within my reach now. Even though it's not quite that far along yet, I just want to cry in happiness. I don't think anyone on this forum, except maybe one guy, realizes what she means to me.

It's going to work. I just have to get it that far.

God dammit Slash, you make me unhappy with my life

 

[Slash]

God dammit Slash, you make me unhappy with my life

Hey, I worked for this

Well, at least what I have so far anyways 👍

The fact that it was even suggested that she's already "mine", but in the early stages damn near made me squeal.

 

[Madertus]

Hey, I worked for this

Well, at least what I have so far anyways 👍

The fact that it was even suggested that she's already "mine", but in the early stages damn near made me squeal.

Damn, it seems you simply can't lose here.

As you're saying, she saved your number while she rather tends to shut people out. I think this stands for something.

In all honesty, I envy you. You seem to be happier than ever. Keep it up 👍

 

[Slash]

I could but it would take some serious screwing up. I need to be very, very careful with her. She is very delicate after everything that has happened. She's been screwed over by her family, friends, boyfriends, mentally/physically/sexually abused...I could keep going. She has no confidence in life, or anything she does and I really think she is depressed. The only people she is really close to is my mom, my sister and 1, maybe 2, friends. She trusts no one. So I have to play things very safe.

She is very loyal to who she is with and bad timing on my part was why she never saved my number ever. Now she has it, now she knows how I feel about her, now she knows I care and support her in everything she does, and now she knows I'm probably the guy she's been looking for. It's all about reeling her in at this point. She's hooked on the line, but she hasn't made it back to the boat yet. That's basically how this stands right now.

I am happy as hell. I don't even remember the last time I was this happy.

 

[Speedy Samurai]

Girls with baggage. ya, those usually work out.

Not trying to rain on your parade. I really hope it works out for you.

 

[phillgt2002]

I could but it would take some serious screwing up. I need to be very, very careful with her. She is very delicate after everything that has happened. She's been screwed over by her family, friends, boyfriends, mentally/physically/sexually abused...I could keep going. She has no confidence in life, or anything she does and I really think she is depressed. The only people she is really close to is my mom, my sister and 1, maybe 2, friends. She trusts no one. So I have to play things very safe.

She is very loyal to who she is with and bad timing on my part was why she never saved my number ever. Now she has it, now she knows how I feel about her, now she knows I care and support her in everything she does, and now she knows I'm probably the guy she's been looking for. It's all about reeling her in at this point. She's hooked on the line, but she hasn't made it back to the boat yet. That's basically how this stands right now.

I am happy as hell. I don't even remember the last time I was this happy.

Stick with it.

 

[Slash]

Girls with baggage. ya, those usually work out.

Not trying to rain on your parade. I really hope it works out for you.

She just wanted out of all that. Now that she is out of that she's a lot better. Now its up to me to finish it off and make it right.

 

[VindictiveScrub]

She just wanted out of all that. Now that she is out of that she's a lot better. Now its up to me to finish it off and make it right.

I think the firmest, manliest handshake of approval should be waiting for you if you stick this out and make her world after what she's been through. This is the kind of long-term dedication you don't see from anyone in any relationship these days. Very refreshing.

 

[Ryanswannell]

Some people are just busy/forgetful. Give her a little while and then talk/text her without any indication of hanging out sporadically. Patience is key and assuming you can get her attracted to you (you easily can) you'll have her in a few weeks when you ask her to do something she can't say no to.

Cheers for the advice 👍.

I have the conversation (via text messaging) here if anyone's interested:



Me: hey
I meant to ask you earlier what days you have off work this week???

Her: umm, Monday Wednesday and Friday I think, but I'm in college

Me: if you want to, do you fancy going to the cinema or something on Thursday, if you have time after college?

Her: I'm not sure, I'll find out if I'm free and get back to you

Me: Ok, fair enough
It's cool if you don't want to by the way

The next day...

Me: hey, I was wondering if you have any idea if you can make Thursday yet

Her: no, I don't think I can sorry

Me: don't worry, that's fine



I'm a little confused . I can read this two ways.

1) She isn't interested, and is making excuses to let me down gently. I say this because she doesn't explain why she's busy, and doesn't suggest another date on which to hang out together.
But I find this a little strange. I asked her in person the other day if she wanted to hang out with me, to which she replied yes, and then proceeded to give me her number when I asked for it. But hopefully...

2) She genuinely is busy doing something, and can't make time to be with me that evening. However, I have this horrible feeling that she doesn't want to be with me.

If that's the case, I wonder why she would agree to go out with me at first, if all along she didn't want to?

 

[cnd01]

The thing I see here is this:

It seems like you haven't known this girl for very long, correct?

If so, I don't think you've built enough attraction yet. Every few days, have a text conversation where you don't have any pressure of asking for a date or anything. Text her like you would text your best buddies (trust me, you have a better chance if you do this) Then after a few of those conversations, ask her out in a way that is different (ex: instead of saying "would you like to go to the cinema" say "Have you heard of the new movie (insert movie), it seemed really cool from the previews. I'm going to see it this (insert day). Just in case the movie actually sucks, come watch it with me so we can make fun of it together."

 

[Ryanswannell]

The thing I see here is this:

It seems like you haven't known this girl for very long, correct?

If so, I don't think you've built enough attraction yet. Every few days, have a text conversation where you don't have any pressure of asking for a date or anything. Text her like you would text your best buddies (trust me, you have a better chance if you do this) Then after a few of those conversations, ask her out in a way that is different (ex: instead of saying "would you like to go to the cinema" say "Have you heard of the new movie (insert movie), it seemed really cool from the previews. I'm going to see it this (insert day). Just in case the movie actually sucks, come watch it with me so we can make fun of it together."

Yes, you're right, we haven't known each other that long, probably about a month 👍 Our shifts at work overlap by about half an hour three times a week (that may increase by several hours soon), and that's the only time we talk/see each other in person as well.

I think before I text her again though, I'd rather talk to her in person when we are next at work together, which should be Saturday (maybe Friday) 👍.

 

[cnd01]

Yes, you're right, we haven't known each other that long, probably about a month 👍 Our shifts at work overlap by about half an hour three times a week (that may increase by several hours soon), and that's the only time we talk/see each other in person as well.

I think before I text her again though, I'd rather talk to her in person when we are next at work together, which should be Saturday (maybe Friday) 👍.

That's a great situation to be in. The rule of thumb I use for texting is to have the same personality in person as you do over the phone and in person. I used to be a horrible texter because I would give 2 word responses and yes/no questions. I found that both my guy friends and girls alike would respond better if I had the same personality as I did in person.

I've used that text I gave as an example more than once. It works most of the time.

 

[Slash]

I think the firmest, manliest handshake of approval should be waiting for you if you stick this out and make her world after what she's been through. This is the kind of long-term dedication you don't see from anyone in any relationship these days. Very refreshing.

I intend to give her everything she has been asking for. It's not exactly hard, she just has never known any better.


Not sure what's going to happen tonight. She isn't answering anyone and hasn't been since yesterday, not just me. :/

 

[GTboyz]

Ah @Slash, you made me remember that feeling... Well except my situation gone down in a fiery blaze

 

[Slash]

Ah @Slash, you made me remember that feeling... Well except my situation gone down in a fiery blaze

Turns out she just busted her phone.


But some serious crap is going down as we speak. Its on my profile page.

 

[GTboyz]

Turns out she just busted her phone.


But some serious crap is going down as we speak. Its on my profile page.

dude i'm really sorry, i didn't know about what just happen right now. We are all here for you man. Sorry i'm late about this...

I hope she can get out of it man

 

[Ryanswannell]

Yesterday I went out to play some pool, when my freind asked me how things were going with the girl I have been mentioning here (he knew beforehand she turned down my offer of going out to a movie), to which I said I haven't spoken to her since.

I showed him the text messages we had sent each other, and after he had finished ripping me to pieces about how I "need to work on some things" , he told me to text her there and then.

So at about 8pm I did exactly that (with plenty of persuasion and Dutch courage). I basically asked her how she was and what she got up to today (my mate suggested I put that), to which I didn't get a reply all evening.

It's now 9:15 am the next day, and still nothing . I think it's pretty safe to say now that nothing is going to happen with this girl, and it's time to move on.
I just wish she had said no when I asked her out at first, rather than saying yes and getting my hopes up, then letting me crash back down to earth from a dose of reality.

 

[Thimble]

I just wish she had said no when I asked her out at first, rather than saying yes and getting my hopes up, then letting me crash back down to earth from a dose of reality.

Unfortunately that's how girls roll man. They seem to think that saying yes and then having some excuse for not meeting up is nicer than an outright no

Ah well, there's plenty more fish in the sea mate!

 

[Ryanswannell]

Unfortunately that's how girls roll man. They seem to think that saying yes and then having some excuse for not meeting up is nicer than an outright no

Ah well, there's plenty more fish in the sea mate!

I just don't get it, she must have known I was going to find out at some point that she wasn't interested.

If she had said no at first, then yes I would have been a bit upset, but it's not like I wasn't expecting it. Saying yes, getting hopes up, and then flip-flopping after a few days just makes me a mixture of 🤬 off and upset.
It also makes me look like a dick, because I told my mates that I asked a gorgeous girl out and she replied positively, only for it to have been bull 🤬.

Her loss, I suppose .

 

[phillgt2002]

Her loss, I suppose .

That's the best way to look at it instead of getting angry at her. 👍