My gear grinder today: being a pretty emotional guy. Not necessarily in front of people, but I just seem all dramatic, and I feel like other guys would make fun of me for it.
I have this vision of what a man should be like, what I should be like. He should never shed a tear, never get sad.
It bugs me that I probably won't ever be strong against emotions.
I understand completely. I'm rather emotionally effected by things, more than other but will not/ cannot for the life of me show soft emotion to anyone.
Rage is something I haven't learnt to suppress, being p!ssed off is something I show everyday. They are covers for sadness that I feel.
I convinced myself as a child that a man should be a certain way, never show weakness even to himself for fear of doubt. It's stupid but I've never been able to shrug off this mentality which has resulted in lots of problems along the line.
What I wouldn't give at times to break down and shed a tear, from rage, sadness or other emotion. You're lucky if you have the ability to vent emotions in the appropriate way.
Nan dies? I'll get over it. Broke up with your partner? I'll survive. I really never do, it all ends somewhere down the line when I end up in a blind rage destroying anything in my path, usually myself, through drink and aggression.
That's my take on that.
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Moving on.
Today was not the best. Far from it in fact.
I'd been planning to take my wife to the UK for a long time now and everything was in order we just needed to get her visa back from the application centre in Beijing, which arrived today.
Entry denied.
Why? Well the person who reviewed the application was a complete idiot evidently and failed to make even the slightest efforts to contact the listed sponsors and references, on top of that they failed to even study the right documents sent and used the excuse that the supporting documents were insufficient to back up the application.
I know another one here, maybe F1fan had a similar issue, it's 🤬 ludicrous.
I no have 2 options, make other plans to fly at a later date and resend the application with more documents giving the no reason at all to refuse, or go alone, which is the most likely option as it's such short notice to when I'll be flying.
So, at this point I'd just like to say a big
"**** YOU, Home Office UK Border Agency! **** YOU, you self-righteous, lazy pieces of S**T.
Don't think I won't be stopping by next time I'm in Beijing to throw a chair through your office window!"
And so ends my rant.