I think it’s that I’m looking for an endgame, whether it’s reaching DR A or getting the trophies. I also think I struggle with trying to enjoy the game for its own sake, instead of through always getting better DR or more poles/wins. Maybe it’s a generational thing, where when I was growing up, you could 100% a game, but now it’s all just chasing ever-shifting goals and skilled matchmaking. I don’t know if I can enjoy GTS when I’m not winning, but I don’t know if I want to give up, either.
I’m still a bit humiliated and upset that I’ve lost 6000 DR so fast, after being so close to DR A, and having three really bad FIA entries on Saturday, two of which involved rage-quitting. I just feel tempted to give up GTS altogether and wait for GT7. I don’t know if this game is for me - or even the idea of ranked multiplayer. I feel like I struggle with the idea of emphasizing the journey over the destination, and with instant (or at least unrealistically quick) gratification in my life.
I mean, I almost feel like I’d be even more humiliated if I just quit GTS now, as if I don’t really want to give up. But it’s not normal for me to be in tears twice within a month or so over videogames at all, let alone the same game in the form of GTS, and my performance within it. My sister and parents tell me that if I’m not always having fun, I should stop playing. But I feel like I do have fun sometimes, just not when I have an entry where everything that could go wrong, does, and multiple times in a row.
EDIT: I wish I knew how to just chill the hell out, and learn from my mistakes. But it upsets me that it very well may be better for my mental health to just quit. And especially on such a sour note.
EDIT2: I’m just really angry right now, overall, but especially over how poorly my FIA entries went on Saturday and how much DR I lost. I honestly don’t know how to keep my cool, here. I still feel like throwing my controller at the wall.