Sometimes, I wonder if I feel like I may perceive places where there’s potential improvement, and PD (as well as other developers) seem to not see them isn’t because of possible incompetence or laziness on their end, but looking inward, I think it’s because of my condition.
Idk how to describe it without seeming pretentious, but I’d say that I have ADHD and what I can only describe it as ‘higher-than-high’-functioning Autism, or maybe a bit like a demi-savant with less social awkwardness. More of a “drizzle man” than “rain man.”
Think of someone with Aspergers’ (i.e. high-functioning Autism, and a condition that was consolidated into the broader ASD diagnosis in the latest DSM, and thus no longer is listed as its own condition) and think of someone who has the high capacity for memory and retaining information, yet you’d never be able to tell they were on the spectrum unless they told you (as I’m doing now). No signs of the usual nonverbal behavors, but not necessarily as overly-focused as a savant, either. But still more focused than a neurotypical individual, or NT for short. Most people are NT, statistically speaking. This would likely extend to many designers across various fields, including game design.
But I just have no idea how I can really prove myself. I feel like I often get a lot of ideas for following-up on both successful and frozen IPs, and certain design elements within them, even including UI. I’d love to write a story for one someday, too. But I feel like I really prefer being given an outline, or certain goals/limitations, and that when left to my own devices, I may write my ideas down, but I’ll have no idea what I should do after that.
I think I may look into Gamasutra (especially if it has a forum), and reaching out to people at DigiPen, and perhaps attending GDC some day. I know that I may not know what I need to know, but idk how to assess that. I don’t feel like I have time in my life to intimately learn how to competently do every part of the production process, especially coding & programming. I just feel so frustrated, disappointed, and powerless when I see potential in an IP that isn’t being realized and there’s no way to know why, like watching a distant friend get into opioids. Hell, I don’t even want a paid position, necessarily - I just wanna talk, and I’d happily sign NDAs so that whatever is discussed is just between me and them.